A lot of people are sick around me. I don't know what to do. I try to think positive thoughts and wonder if making them cards with pretty things and encouraging words will help make them feel better. I want my silly cards to make people get better. I want my kind words to heal people's cancers and ugly diseases. I panicked about life the other day. I think I feel better about it all. I still don't know if I am cut out for the real world, but hopefully I can make my own.
Last night I stayed up inconceivably late working very hard. It was fun and felt good. I wish all "work" felt that good. I have mustard yellow paint caked under my nails, I love mustard yellow! I'm really proud of the things that we made. I'm really proud of us.
This morning I have been using the super exacto knife (900 degrees Fahrenheit baby), the hot glue gun, and the pressure washer. These are all dangerous tools ... I came out unscathed.
On a heavier note:
I know I am neglecting people and things this summer. It's so hard to get me out and about when I am intensely focused on two or three things. I don't want to be bad at this. Relationships are really hard for me to maintain. Romantic, friendship, familial etc. I always feel like I'm not giving one group or more enough attention. I'm always thinking about the people that I care about, even if they don't know it. I wish I was better at letting them know.
If any of yous are reading this,
I MISS YOU!
I love your guts and you are instrumental in my good health and mental harmony!!
I love you!!!
Even if I disappear for weeks at a time you're still on my mind.
- I'm going on a trip (it promises to be goodtimes).
- I started writing a new story.
- I found my favorite (super soft) dress in a box. I have been wondering (not looking) where it was since summer started.
- We are screening yellow shirts with orange ink, and I love that color combo (pictures soon?).
- I decided what I want to be for Halloween this year.
- Tiny Beds.
This song makes me want to dance around, and Devendra Banhart, well just look at the lovely locks ...
Yesterday my Momda asked me if all I ever do is eat, ride my bike, and sit on the computer.
I just smiled bitterly. Some day maybe we'll get to know each other. Maybe someday we can travel to Ireland together. Maybe.