Sunday, June 24, 2007

Privacy Report

I wasn't going to go out of town today. I had decided against it, but today I changed my mind again. I need to go places where people shine a lot (i.e. NOT home). I can keep myself out of trouble. I need to go on adventures. I need new settings to shake things up now and again.

A lot of people are sick around me. I don't know what to do. I try to think positive thoughts and wonder if making them cards with pretty things and encouraging words will help make them feel better. I want my silly cards to make people get better. I want my kind words to heal people's cancers and ugly diseases. I panicked about life the other day. I think I feel better about it all. I still don't know if I am cut out for the real world, but hopefully I can make my own.

Last night I stayed up inconceivably late working very hard. It was fun and felt good. I wish all "work" felt that good. I have mustard yellow paint caked under my nails, I love mustard yellow! I'm really proud of the things that we made. I'm really proud of us.

This morning I have been using the super exacto knife (900 degrees Fahrenheit baby), the hot glue gun, and the pressure washer. These are all dangerous tools ... I came out unscathed.


On a heavier note:
I know I am neglecting people and things this summer. It's so hard to get me out and about when I am intensely focused on two or three things. I don't want to be bad at this. Relationships are really hard for me to maintain. Romantic, friendship, familial etc. I always feel like I'm not giving one group or more enough attention. I'm always thinking about the people that I care about, even if they don't know it. I wish I was better at letting them know.

If any of yous are reading this,
I love your guts and you are instrumental in my good health and mental harmony!!
I love you!!!
Even if I disappear for weeks at a time you're still on my mind.

Good News:

  1. I'm going on a trip (it promises to be goodtimes).
  2. I started writing a new story.
  3. I found my favorite (super soft) dress in a box. I have been wondering (not looking) where it was since summer started.
  4. We are screening yellow shirts with orange ink, and I love that color combo (pictures soon?).
  5. I decided what I want to be for Halloween this year.
  6. Tiny Beds.
This week will be quite busy. I gotta stay on top of shit yo!
This song makes me want to dance around, and Devendra Banhart, well just look at the lovely locks ...

Yesterday my Momda asked me if all I ever do is eat, ride my bike, and sit on the computer.
I just smiled bitterly. Some day maybe we'll get to know each other. Maybe someday we can travel to Ireland together. Maybe.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Oh me

I hadn't been in a hospital for a good long while. I am convinced they are time warps.

I am convinced they make well people sick. I don't want to have to spend anytime in there again anytime soon.

I'm sad. I don't know how to climb out of it right now. The thing about the future is you're not supposed to be able to prematurely miss people, yet I do it all the time. I hate/love the fact that I'm nearly convinced if I could climb into his neck and arms right now, I would feel a little better, at least for a bit. Oh well.

Tonight my dad told me, in reaction to me saying he should totally go back to school, "When you get older your dreams tend to die out slowly." It nearly broke my fucking heart. My dad's other dreams the ones that are alive and well ... for his children to make money. I hate money, I really do, but I think I might forgo the not-for-profit job, for something a little more lucrative so I can take my daddy out on dates in classy establishments. At least until I get to grad-school (oh please let me find my way back to academia).

Oh dear, I might just not make it in the real world.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

People lead enchanted lives

Not to be confused with, The Velvet Velvet's 2004 release "People Lead Enchanted Lives."
I came up with that title, but he never meant it.
Anyway that was weird. But seriously folks, I think I might be enchanted. In high school I lost my million dollar Ti83+ calculator over two dozen times and every single time it somehow found its way back to me...

Good things are happening, and bad things disguised as good things are happening.

1) I watched a beaver eat delcious grass in my backyard, sorta.
2) I grabbed a string of stars and wrapped them around my finger so I could find the way back home. Or maybe they were fireflies.
3) I am begining to see life in a more patient and beautiful way.
4) I said exactly what I was thinking.

I had a dream that we held hands underwater and swam with the missing otters, I always dream alone, it was nice to have company.

Tonight I watched the movie Bridge to Terabithia. Damn, I had forgotton how gut wrenchingly sad it is, but of course it has a very enchanted quality, to keep with the theme of the night. I hope my imagination never dries up on me, that would be quite a shame.

Today we picked up our first order of t-shirts they are sassy and lovely and I can't wait to splatter our paint on them. Each minute of each day of sunlight that passes I acquire roughly 14,000 more freckles. I am going backwards in time ... weeee!

Yeah C'mon I wanna go right now!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Feliz Dia de los Padres

Senor Unicorn, the hardest working man in the midwest. Possibly the universe. He is honest and just, sensitive and optimistic, silly and devoted, loving and gassy. Most importantly on a day to day basis he puts up with two of the most obstinate women in the galaxy (me and momda).

He also has a killer beard.

He's my daddy and I love him.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

All things good and nice

I should be ashamed of myself ... after a wonderful blog note from GSR I haven't written in nearly a week. Well, I've been writing, pages upon pages, but in the old fashioned sense. A million things worth remembering (pondered) are tucked away in my tiny notebook. Life is weird and shapeshifting and unexpected. It's also moving faster than I can nearly manage. I'm still trying to get things figured out for the fall, oh whoa ho what am I saying ... I'm barely getting started figuring things out for right now. Let's take it one season at a time.


The weekend was absolutely stupendous, I hung out with some amazing people who gave me a snapshot glimpse of what life MAY be like in the fall. I took a lot of good and not so good lessons about living in the city away with me. The rest of the weekend was spent pondering life in a thousand different ways. Everything seems to be working out in ways that are too good to be true. I must say I'm a little skeptical. BUT I won't wait for my good graces to fall out. I can't help but wonder if this summer is enchanted.

This week, I've been doing everything and nothing and thinking about a thousand different glass possibilities. Sigh, what happend to my solitary confinement summer? I've been on the go go go for a week. I must take the time to do the things that keep me internally glued. I'm tired again and it seems too soon. Balance has always been a tough principal for me to master.

But ask me if I'm happy, and I'll smile like a little kid. I couldn't have conceived of a unicorn summer such as this ...

Friday, June 08, 2007

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Somewhere it's not dark, dark, dark!

Tomorrow will be 90 hundred thousand degrees. I plan on throwing off all my earthly posessions and diving into the nearest body of water. LEACHES!

I made a shit ton of lovely today, and danced the rest of the time. Underwear dancing is hot, no matter who you are or what your skivvies look like! Here are some sweet dance super hits that made me moooooove ...

mmmmm, let's pretend we don't exist!

An oldy but a goody, and Kimya Dawson is my model for womanhood!

I love this band unconditionally.

This woman is classy, and I think I learned all her dance moves this afternoon.

I hope you enjoy and want to move yo feet a bit.
I decided to chunk the thought process and go on living my life the way I had been for the past month, so I'm heading out to the city, I do believe.

not having that which having makes me worry. Aye stop making sense and start hugging your friends and enemies.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Mother Knows Best

I'm tired. I was sleeping good up until an excalibur point. I can trace back to the day, exact time, and reason why I began to sleep like a fitful bedbug. Being tired makes me not want to go out and do fun things. A couple of weeks ago I was complaining that "fun things to do" didn't exist. Wrong, but now I'm being a rat. Damn it, if I can't teach myself to forget to think.

Today was long, long. I started out at the hot spot known as the Aurora DMV. The computer's were down and it took approx. 48 hrs to get through the first line for them to tell me to go to the end of the line seven. Upon arrival at line seven they told me that I'd need to take a number and wait in line three, of course, they said I could sit down if I wanted. They didn't need to say it, but I knew we were in for the long haul. So I sat and I sat and sat some more. A younger looking guy sat down beside me and struck up a conversation. I mostly hate non-necessary conversation (for many reasons, but most notably because I'm awkward and my brain hurts from trying NOT to be. Then I realize that I am and my dumb body starts sweating and fidgeting profusely). This guy seemed really pleasant and I was immediately placed at ease. The conversation soon widened in depth and breadth. We began talking about music and realized we were both going to be at a few of the same concerts this summer.

Eventually my number was called and I politely stood and thanked him for the company, as I stood up so did he. He pulled out a pen and asked me for my number. Now I know that this is probably not too common for most girls, but for the last unicorn it is quite uncommon. I just stared at him. Yes, this chap was nice, but I certainly didn't feel comfortable giving him my number; I don't know why, probably some stranger danger lesson my paranoid mother had ingrained in my psyche at an early age. I didn't know what to do, so I guess you could say I caved.

Later in my "adventure" we were once again placed by each other forcing me into more chatting. Somehow the conversation turned to Johnny Cash and then to jail. He asked me if I ever had served any time. Again. I just looked at him. Did I look like the type of gal that had "served time?" After my facial expression made it obvious that I hadn't he volunteered the knowledge that he had in fact "served time" and it wasn't pleasant. I then told him it wasn't supposed to be and made the mistake of asking him what he was in for. Battery. Oh that's sweet. Again some blank face from the last unicorn. Of course he assured me he did not posses a bad temper, he just had to beat the shit out of his (now ex) girlfriend's old boyfriend. What the hell are you supposed to say to that? Also, and more importantly ladies of the internets ... what the hell do you say to males that do the surprise number request?
Moral of the Story: Always trust your gut ... when it comes to anyone at the DMV just say no?

The real kicker of the story is that after leaving the DMV I later noticed that yours truly fucking lost the trip permit that she had waited in line nearly three hours to acquire. Boo Forever.

After the DMV incident I had an unexpected lunch with thewiseone. He's more wise than ever. I detected a subtle change in him, his exterior sadness has moved inward and his inward happiness has become exterior. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but he still gives the most lovely hugs of time! Of course the kid is still an enigma wrapped in a miracle. I am continually impressed with the bold choices he makes in living a life that's unconventional. I love that we have the kind of relationship where we can always just pick up where we left off. Some day I'm going to make him my editor, if I ever get around to letting him read any of my work. I could think of no one better. After all he introduced me to the lovely world of Troutfishing in America and Maker's Mark whiskey!

My mind is wrapped up in a lot of thought. My mother has recently spat out many a proverb to me. I don't know. I don't know about a lot, and I sure as hell hate feeling like I'm in emotional limbo. Double sigh. Tonight after I put the kids to bed I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I'm sure that didn't help my thinking process. Funny how books and movies can change your very thought patterns.

Funny how one can trick themselves into thinking about something in a very specific way so they don't have to acknowledge something else just to trick there minds into thinking they never thought the original way in the first place. Hoohaa minds are a funny. That probably doesn't make sense to anyone. Actually I'm not sure it makes sense to me. Can you tell I'm in one of those hyper-sensitive meta thinking modes? Dangerous rocks for idealists to traverse...

Anywho last night I spent hours painting the night sky onto a piece of midnight blue card stock. I felt like it was meditation or as close to meditation that my ADHD mind/body could come close to experiencing. Tonight I spent the night with a small child that would not stop eating his boogers.
Care Taker Theater:
Why we just ate, you couldn't possibly be hungry.
But they are good why can't I eat them?
Child remove your fingers from your nose.
Why? Why? ooogah chooga bing
Are you speaking a foreign language?
Yes, Spanish.
I didn't know you knew.
sssssssshhhhhhh ka ka ka dooo
(little sister to little brother) Mom told you to stop eating your boogers!
(his response) Mom told you to stop eating MY boogers.
Fine. Let's go to the computer mister, according to ... He especially hated when I uttered the word cilia. I hope his mum never has to deal with him booger eating ever again. For the record I was a booger flicker and a scab picker, but never a booger eater!

Oh yeah check this guy out, presidential hopeful Ron Paul. He used to be a libertarian and I think I might like the cut of his jib. He voted against the Patriot Act. He voted against regulating the Internet. He voted against the Iraq war. He's all about less government. Though I'm not sure that he supports women's right to choice, which I just can't have.

Regardless being informed is the only way to beat them at their own game kitties!

This is an annoyingly long blog so before I rant some more I'm going to call it all off and go eat Blueberry Poptarts with my big brother. TASTY!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Party Animal and 349 drawings of a lemon.

Had a most lovely weekend. I got to spend a little time with my role model couple. I hope they stay together for forever and a day. I really like both of them as seperate people. They smile a lot and care about important issues, and they love each other in a big huge way. I also chipped two of my teeth dancing. I'm a monster on the dancefloor! Goodtimes. Fate spun me around three times and nudged in a specific direction. It was a release from something that had been filling me up like a balloon.

Summer seems to be setting itself up on that track where it flys by all fast and funky like. It rained and it rained and it rained today, but not in a gloomy way in a, I'm gonna throw buckets of cold streams at you and make things grow kind of way. I dig that.

Now I will be splitting my creative time between making stuff for the festival and writing. That is both good and not so. I wrote a poem, it was rich in mineral metaphors. Interesting, maybe I'll post soon. Maybe instead I'll talk in lateral lines and swim in trout streams.

On this day I'm pretty damn happy.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Links A Plenty!

Thursday: The Sea & Cake with three stooges. Ran into an old friend from ages ago. He had a delightful beard and content disposition. Last I saw of him he hated the world, especially women. I'm glad stuff like that changes. I laughed all night and the music was stellar. After the show we all shoved ourselves into a tiny photobooth. That may have been my favorite part of the night. I'm the little bit of polka dots in the left hand corner! I wish everywhere I went had a b&w photo booth.

Friday: Microphones/Mt. Eerie with "the chimney" (how do you like that?). It was one of the better shows I've seen in a long time. Some people just understand the magic of music. The show was in a tiny church on S. Union over by Halstead. Bestfriend used to live around there and I have many memories of college life and Mister Tee. (headstands and rat chasing!) But I digress the show was at South Union Arts Center, which is an old church with a gaudy neon cross. A little weird, but not for long, the lights went down and all the hipster kats and kittens settled down ... perfection; The cross cast a neon glow on everyone, the rain fell in beat to the beautiful music, and the wind cooled our sweaty flesh. For one song we were asked to sing along. Our voices swelled and flooded the entire chamber. We sang as one. I'd like to imagine that church felt revived somehow at the familiar sound of people lifting their voices in unanimity and devotion. Paul Elverum is a most precious and humble man who I dig tremendously. I wish I would have brought my camera. I haven't taken a picture in over a year. I should start taking more pictures.
In an hour or so I leave town again. I am happy, but pensive. I'm going to dance and drink until I die tonight, then I will come back to life and drink some more. And I will also have a (hopefully sweet haircut to do it in).

OH YES! Best news of all time ever, my little D.I.Y. company The Modern Tshirt Company (I would link you to our website, but we scrapped it and our MySpace is abhorable) got accepted to sell our goods at this year's Pitchfork Festival which is a huge Chicago music festival. This is the first year we will be selling our goods and it is an honor to be able to be a part of (since they had to turn away a lot of vendors) such an awesome festival. All of the goods being sold are all hand made (not in a lame crafty way, but in a sweet arty way) and well I'll just let them describe it:

All things handcrafted. No brand-names. No foreign-assembly. No
questionable ethics. In DEPART-ment’s onsite store, everything you see has been
made by people just like you. Here, countless vendors will offer a massive
selection of handmade clothing, jewelry, tote bags, purses, wallets, and a
number of other things that are fantastically beautiful but difficult to

Yes! we are so damn excited, and that's going to keep the last Unicorn quite busy. We expanded our line from just hand screened t-shirts to handmade: stationary, framed art, bags, jewelry, and hopefully we'll get some sweet undies screened for the event. So if you're at Pitchfork this year check out The Modern T-shirt Company's booth! I hope Yoko Ono buys one of our shirts ...