Tuesday, September 29, 2009

"Cardio Pump"

Last night I attended a water aerobics class. I was the youngest by at least thirty years. At first I felt real awkward and got shot nasty looks that swam through the water and bit me in my bathing suit, but by the end of the class they accepted me.

I think they saw me struggling with some of the activities and laughing at myself and knew they were in good company. It was really weird at first though, really. Minority by age.

Ahh, the adventures of suburban life. I hope one of them invites me over for dinner or bridge some day. ha ha.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Big Thighs

Most things do not beat riding your bike around on a cool night.

Damn it, I love fall.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I've Been to Amoeba!

At some point for a fraction of a second I want to like my job as much as DJ Lance Rock loves his.
I'd also like to hang out with him, if anyone can arrange that.


I misspoke. At some point when I have a career (I really truly love the job that I have right now, who wouldn't?) I hope to love it as much as DJ Lance Rock loves his.
That is all.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Catch it or Keep it.

The Science Channel is premiering a new show called Catch it Keep it where a three member team has 48 hours to build a contraption that will save their prize from destruction.

The first episode has the team devise a contraption to save a 50 inch plasma television from getting destroyed when it gets dropped from a crane. For some reason this show really makes me feel gross.

The age of consumer excess plateaus?

ALSO, in other geek tv news the Scifi channel changed its name from the appropriate Scifi channel to the completely baffling Syfy channel. Why?

Monday, September 14, 2009

I'm not Crying Wolf

I'm really enjoying being home. Pleasant surprise. Now if I can only steal some time with that cute delivery boy ...

Wednesday, September 09, 2009


Damn, it was annoying to watch smug chubby whiteys texting, yawning, and rolling their eyes while Obama talked about making healthcare afforable for everyone (but not illegal immigrants of course).

If he hadn't included the public option I would have been pissed, and it was really smart how he downplayed how popular the puboption is going to be. Well played Barack though I'm not so thrilled about mandatory healthcare fines (like car insurance). That's no bueno.

He is the best pragmatist that America has ever seen though.

P.S. The republicans made a rebuttal in the "Strom Thurmond" room. No joke.

EDIT: Immediately after the speech and rebuttal a commercial for PAC group "Patients United Now" came on. Shona, a Canadian woman had a brain tumor that needed to be operated on. According to her Canada was going to make her wait six months to get the operation, and in six months she, "would be dead." Thank goodness she had the money to fly to America and pay for and recieve "world class care." (which costs thousands of dollars)

Now Shona has to appear in smarmy American commercials because she probably has a mountain of uninsured debt owed to American doctors and hospitals. Blech.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Great Expectations

Cat Power seems to be appropriate music to listen to when saying goodbye to an entire country while you pack up your things (again) and day slowly creeps into your room.

Very happy and very sad are quite accurate ways to describe how I'm feeling at this moment.

Think of me while I'm in the air.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Manifest Destiny: Going Going Gone

I wanted to wait until it was official to let everyone know. I should send out the press release so there is no confusion and for when a million people ask me why I'm back I can just refer them to my press release:


The Last Unicorn is Quitting but for Once She doesn't Feel Like a Quitter

The Last Unicorn, born of the Perez Unicorns, after many years of intent, finally moved herself to South Korea to teach English. Upon her arrival all the familiar sights sounds, and smells of the place she once called home resurfaced, and many new ones. She made friends, she ate weird food, and yes, she missed everything back home. Eventually she started her job as a teacher at SLP Songpa Language Institute. Within days she knew that she had made a mistake in coming here, and that the work and life that lay before her, no matter how exotic, would not be fulfilling. She followed her guts (which tend to be right, save for directional purposes) and notified the school of her intent to leave. She would stay until they found a replacement.

Seoul, South Korea – September 2nd 2009 – Who?, What?, When?, Why?, and Where? The Last Unicorn finished her last day of class as her final days in the country wind down. Why leave such a beautiful place with a more than modest salary? On the heels of heart break and the celebration of a quarter century of life, The Last Unicorn spent a great deal of time this summer thinking about what's really important and what she would plan to do with her life. She thought about how grateful she was for her friends and family that care very deeply for her and make her life quite dynamic. She thought about how easy it has been to coast through life thus far as a white middle class American Midwesterner. She thought about how random it was that she was that instead of a member of an indigenous tribe in Mexico struggling for survival amidst government and technological encroachment. The Last Unicorn was very lucky. She was loved, cared for, and comfortable. As the wheels in her mind began to turn she thought more and more about the meaning of her life and how she wanted to make a living and to what ends.

She came to the conclusion that whatever job she took it would be a job that helped people. She wanted to say thank you, and since she isn't a religious woman, this is the only way she knew how. Yes, "to help people" was broad, but discounted a great many jobs. Including the one she just started. As the month wore on, The Last Unicorn grew to love her little English learners. There were bad days and there were good days, as their certainly are with six year olds, but all in all she had a stellar bunch of kooky kids. But the Last Unicorn could not ignore the dread that rose in the pit of her stomach every morning as she walked to school. She enjoyed the kids but she didn't enjoy making them learn an imperialist language that would give them a better edge in the job market. They were full of energy, stories, and creativity. She felt guilty yelling at them for silly things like making too much noise or wiggling too much in their chair. So with much thought and pain she decided to come back home leaving behind a dream three years in the making and at least five years of financial stability. There was a time and place for her to come back to the ROK, but it had passed and she had not realized until now. Does she regret her decision to come or leave? No. The Last Unicorn has learned so much more about herself than she ever could have imagined. She has a greater understanding of herself, what she does not want to do, and the experience of living completely on her own. She also made a few life long friends in the process. The Last Unicorn is not leaving because she is home sick or culture shocked. While she might be feeling both of those things mildly, she surely expected it. No, this decision was made upon her (sometimes a pain in the ass) idealism.

What is next for the Last Unicorn? She'll go back to her old job as a nanny and go back to school to become a nurse so she can eventually work for the Doctors Without Borders program and hopefully help a few people in the process. The Last Unicorn is sad to leave this place and all her new friends but she will never forget her experience and is excited to touch very familiar faces and hug very familiar bodies.

The Last Unicorn is excited to start yet another chapter of her enchanted life. Stay tuned it might be fun.

For More Information:

For more information about teaching English in South Korea please contact John Morgan at Morgan Recruiting, the best darn recruiters in all of EFL. They have helped tremendously in my process of arriving and leaving South Korea. For further information on life, love, and quarter life crisis please contact me as I will be really bored being back in the suburbs of the Midwest and will be in need of some adventure and/or pep talks. I like to play cards and scrabble too.

Contact Info:

The Last Unicorn
Elmhurst / IL / 60126 United States of America
Phone: We'll see when I get back into the country.


I knew my PR degree would come in handy one day.

Today was my last day of class. I brought in cake and we did a word search that was titled "Goodbye Teacher."

My students made me cards here are a few excerpts:

(written next to a rocket blasting off)

"Teacher was funny and I will Miss Her."

- Min Seo

(written below an airplane covered in flowers)

"Jessica Teacher Don't go until I finsh SLP. Jessica Teacher Don't be Nurse! Just stay in SLP!!!!"

- In Gi

(From my most challenging student)

I'm sorry I am bad. I am good for Jessica Teacher, not New Teacher. I will Cry. Please don't GO!"

- Yeon Jae

(below a picture of a sweet demon looking thing)

Bye Jessica Teacher. You teach me so good. You are help me so well. I love you. I will always remember. Never Forget.

- Hyun Woo

Some of these made me laugh and I did shed a tear or two, eventually I'll scan a few in (it's worth it). Teaching this age of kids is really interesting and it's very easy to get attached to the kids. I'm going to miss them all a lot as well, but I'm pretty glad I don't have to yell at them for being kids anymore.

I'm going to enjoy my last few days here. The next time I write in this thing it will probably be back in the states. Hoping for a smooth flight.

Many more adventures to come.

P.S. Thanks Seoul, I've had so much fun this past month or so! Pictures eventually.