Wednesday, August 29, 2007


I entered an international haiku contest on a whim. I'm pretty excited.
It's already wednesday; How did that happen?
I'm all out of books again, so I started another comic series. I don't really like it, but I almost never like things at first. The things I usually detest the greatest end up being my most favorites ... I wonder why that is.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Pro-Life Action League (wah waaah)

It has recently come to my attention that my town is getting a large planned parent-hood clinic. I think it's a very positive step towards Aurora cleaning up and taking care of its residents, but not everyone would agree with women taking responsibility for their lives and possible offspring. Apparently we still live in the fifties where responsible family planning and women's rights are frowned upon.

There has been a flurry of pro-life protestors and some media coverage of the "den of sin." According to Steve Trombley, president and CEO of Planned Parenthood/Chicago Area, "more than 90 percent of its services have to do with reproductive health care, not abortion, and that the clinic is opening because of local demand." While I am an avid pro-choice supporter I tend to not get involved with protests where a bunch of zealots from both sides yell at each other, until I came upon the illustrious Joe Schiedler and the pro-life action league. Let's see what the pro-life action league has to say:

Speaking of sordid, did you see the reaction to the news that the cost of contraceptives is soaring on college campuses? It seems the poor little promiscuous floozies on campus may have to pay $40 for Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo instead of a reasonable $7, and up to $25 for a good old generic contraceptive pill that was going for only $5 or $6.

The Big Bad Wolf in this story is President George Bush for signing a Deficit Reduction Act last year, aimed at reducing federal spending by $39 billion, making it more costly for drug makers to offer low cost birth control to college clinics. Then the U. S. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services issued regulations that dropped college clinics from a list of agencies to which drug companies could sell discounted drugs. Oh, sob!

And this tragedy has caught the poor little fornicators off guard, and they are scared that they may become pregnant, since they haven't enough character to practice virtue. Or maybe they never even heard of that option. But while it may cost them something, many students say they wouldn't dream of going off of their contraceptives. Some, so bold as to give their names for the Sun-Times story, say they'll pay whatever it takes. A kind of sick, sad, sordid, society we've got here on our modern college campuses. Give me the good old college days of yore.

He sounds really intelligent. Hey anyone want to go to a protest with me?? I'll even let you hold the picket sign.

Anywho, this is how the weekend went: WONDERFUL. I visited my alma mater (ha ha), and I saw everyone I wanted to see and did everything I wanted to do. I even got to go swimming! At night! Basically life is pretty darn enjoyable right now, and I'm ready to buckle down and start studying hard and getting my portfolio ready for grad school.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Delicate Tissue

Well I would like to take this space and time to write about my ridiculously lovely weekend away, but instead because of some asshole I am compelled to write about how it's never ever okay to abuse your significant other. Here's the unfortunately very true scenario:

Late Sunday night on the Chicago brown line a man and woman quietly boarded my car from another.

Woman: Well if we would have listened to me and got on the red line we wouldn't be going in circles.

thirty seconds of silence


Woman: Why did you do that?

Man: Shut-up.

Me: (hopping out of my seat, near hysteric, and very surprised) Are you kidding me? What the fuck are you doing? (to the woman) Are you okay?

the man then puts his arm in front of the lady like he's protecting her ... from me.

Man: She's fine.

Me: I asked her, not you. Are you okay?

Woman: (through streaming tears, a broken lip, and an already bruising cheek) I-I'm okay.

At the next stop they stood beside me at the door waiting for them to open. As she walked off she looked at me. All I could think to say was, you're better than that. After they got off the only other person in the car asked me what happend. I was like, "That guy punched his wife in the face!" Then I lost it, I started bawling uncontrollably for the rest of the ride, the whole mile walk home, and into my sleep. I was shaking and couldn't calm myself down. All of my friends were asleep and I just needed someone to tell me that they wouldn't know what to do either.

It was one of the worst things I've seen in my life. If that man thought it was okay to do that in public on a train with other people on it, I don't know how he treats her at home when no one else is around. I suppose I wanted to take this time to share this, because I can barely believe it happend. I felt so helpless.

Now, in general I'm pretty much a pacifist. Resorting to violence seems ignorant and reckless to me, but I understand in some very dire situations it is necessary, but for gosh sakes it is certainly not appropriate or tolerable within the framework of the concept of relationship. It goes both ways too, man or woman it's just not okay. I wanted to grab that woman and say aren't you more scared of this man than being alone? But that's almost never true.

I wish there was some lesson in this post, but I don't have anything. Don't hit the people who care about you, because it sucks a lot. Do you want someone loving you who doesn't respect themselves? Do you want to love someone who doesn't respect you? Abusive relationships are just ugly through and through. I'm sorry for any man or woman that has felt helpless because of someone they thought they cared about.


Friday, August 24, 2007

Who doesn't love inclement weather?

A tree is a question the ground asks of the sky.
- Harry Mathews

I thought the trees were benign. I thought they wouldn't come crashing down, but they did. It was punishment for not planting a tree on Arbor Day or not lionizing the forest on Earth day. Next year I will celebrate by planting a redwood forest in the loop.

Considering a silly conversation I had with a certain someone and his mom ...
Preserve our right to be free!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

You're a pal and a confidant

I watched one too many episodes of Golden Girls today.

I dreamt I was late for work, and then I really was. Upon arriving, late, my boss gave me a slice of chocolate cake.
So I ate delicious chocolate cake for breakfast. Then I got a stomach ache. That's what I get for being late.

All I wanted to do this summer was swim. I didn't get to swim much. But I think back to who I was and the situation I was in last end of summer, and it's okay that I didn't get to swim very often. I found some paper writings I did around this time last year, it's pretty raw. I was the saddest I'd ever been in my entire life.

I spent nearly an entire summer either crying or trying to hold back tears. I didn't remember what it was like to be happy without trying. Thank goodness that only lasted for a bit. Last summer was rough, and I'm really glad to be where I am today with the people I care about today.

I wonder if you go through shitty stuff so you can understand and appreciate the wonderful things when they finally do come along.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The result was a million infinitely complex pieces.

Official dweller of the great (dirty, pretty, complex, etc.) city of chicago. Finally. Now if only I can figure out how to build a dining room table.

There are a trillion beautiful and lovely things about the world. True, there might be equal parts of rotten, but it is our job to root out the good and serve it up on a pink platter (or whatever color you like).

I am excited about things right now. Everything.

AND, it stopped raining.


Next stop: Discourse on Immigration Policy.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Dodging the natural disaster:

We waited, but it never came. We watched out the window quietly in a mid afternoon haze. The rain, like a prized pianist's fingers plinked somber sprays of notes across the city. No one could get dry. Not this day or the one before.

On another day my face became flushed. I became a sort of gelatinous blob as people awed and strummed and bobbed their heads in beat. Later on It took the energy of an entire Metropolitan city not to cry. Not like you could tell the way it poured down onto me.

This is all true and happening and I can't believe it, because for awhile I thought that I couldn't feel that feeling. To think that anything has the power to reduce me to a gelatinous blob is scary. To think about maps and time tables isn't fun, but let's play like we're adventurists and not sentimentalists.

and who doesn't like an epic adventure?

we're not magicians because they are liars.
(we're magic)
we're not pioneers because many have been here before.
(we're doing it our way)
we're not maudlin because we're tough like tar.
(well maybe a little, but who cares)

I let that funny word slip out. No, not that one, the one suggesting ownership. I never liked labels, but I had never been motivated for it's use. What wonders never cease. la la la la how colloquial of me. I've decided to enroll in a writing class at the Art Institute (starts September 4). I know. But it's close and works with my schedule. Besides this blog ain't gonna get me into grad school!

The sun is sort of peeking out, and really I'm not worried about all this distance business. Really I'm just jealous that everyone gets to see you waay more than I do.

Friday, August 17, 2007

On Miso

You made a bad decision or two, but mostly you're nice and you got a sweet heart. You're messy and short, but not too short. Perhaps a little too messy. Definitely too loud. You wish you had a cause. You believe in God, but you don't know if you trust him. His motives are quite murky. You love animals but not as pets. Your eyebrows arch slightly everytime you lie, but everyone believes you all the time. You think you're pretty damn funny, and peanut butter is your favorite food.

Sometimes I forget who I am and what I stand for or is it that I never even knew?
I watched a big spider spin a big web outside the window as I typed this. I listened to sort of sad music and it felt like fall already. I don't know what I'm doing here folks.

I'm neither there nor here. Another weird transistion time. (let's just get it over with already!)

I ordered in and the really awesome half Swede half Japanese delivered. She's my favorite person I've met in the city. Miso soup is so delicous. I sit at the tiny table where light streams in at the northwestern corner; Quietly because the babies are finally asleep. I wait for it to separate and then dip my spoon so the miso mushrooms and swirls and mixes then separates again. Miso makes me feel like fall too. I've been cold since last night, and it finally warms me up a bit. I finally got to sleep in a bed last night. It makes getting up a little harder.

The books I'm reading are making me think a lot in really hard ways about how soft I live my life. But I knew this for some time now, it only distances me from the people I love. Weird. Whoever said the written word was dead?
Don't get me wrong I'm not unhappy, I'm just pensive. Also, I just realized I haven't updated all week so this is what's going on in my head.

Small Table Big thoughts Little News

oh yeah i think something bit me in the neck while I was sleeping last night. well i know something did, i'm just not sure what. i may or may not be the undead or an insect next i post. lets hope for an insect, i'd hate to live forever.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Try to Remember Always

I had a most lovely weekend. I got all soaped up and tired. Dee-lightful.
It's crunch time for the apartment, ooooh, we're readying our pens....

It's all quiet on the Western Front err, I mean, I can't stop reading online news. It makes me feel angry.

New fave? This Modern World. Yeah, I guess you could say I'm left, but only cause' they make me.
Hell, I used to be fiscally conservative, but now I think they should just scrap it all and start over.

I was talking to bestfriend the other day about tolls and a heard rumour about the privatization of police forces she said, "well it's a democracy. Your democracy, if you don't like it you can leave. I mean theoretically you put all of these laws in place by voting and electing officials."

... Theoretically ...

The funny thing about theorizing is that it's only in your head.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Taste the Rainbow

a few things:
Skittles has brought me up and then back down again in one fell swoop. On the upside, limited edition carnival flavors: candy apple, bubble gum, cotton candy, red licorice, and green slushy. Oh so very good. On the down side it was just brought to my attention that Skittles contain gelatin. Boo for ground up pig and horse hooves. It was my first and last bag, but if you love ground up hooves and tasy carnival flavors I highly reccomend them. I'd say candy apple and red licorice are the BEST!

Last night in a bridge underpass I saw this scrawled across the wall: Love is Real Real is Love All You Need is Love.
It made me smile. C'mon folks seriously all you need is love ... (and carnival skittles) (kidding)

Then today I saw a sign that said: Deliver Goods in the Rear. It made me chuckle (because I am immature like that).

In other news apartment-ing is oh so very frustrating for a multitude of reasons. It doesn't help that I picked up another bad habit: online scrabble. I've played three games already today ... I know it's sad. Check it if you want a new addiction,

Last night I got to feeling good about this whole distance/relationship deal. Long walks, short piers, and lovely human beings are all very reassuring. I'm nervous, excited, happy, and sad all at once. Wahoo!

All in all, things are moving fast and I'm reading more than I'm writing, which is okay for now. As long as I get a lease signed in the next week, I will be one fantastic gal.

Seriously though, try the skittles.

Monday, August 06, 2007

News, Blues, and other woeities

First off, I'm a little dissappointed G.Keillor. In a recent Salon article, Disaster Belief he writes abut generation Y (that's me) being a bunch of irresponsible lofty dreamers.

"A Harris Interactive poll of Generation Y's feelings about work shows 92 percent want a "flexible work schedule," 96 percent want a job that "requires creativity," and 97 percent want a job that "allows me to have an impact on the world." All I can say is, Wow. Good luck. And now you know why we need illegal immigrants."

A) I thought the bit about illegal immigrants was in poor taste.
but I can't throw any stones about poor taste, SO more importantly:
B) I'm going to tie a red string around my finger so as to make sure, that when I hit the ripe age of fifty I won't spend my days bemoaning about how much harder I had it as a child.

Then Keillor wagged on about how we waste our time watching silly videos on youTube while our immigrant caretakers break their backs in our gardens and toilets.

"meanwhile the young men and women in the cubicles are fascinated by the sex life of gerbils. After work they go to Matt's and drink like the Russian cavalry and get totally blitzed and take a leak in the refrigerator. They are working at Northern Grommets only until Steven Spielberg calls and tells them he is wildly in love with their screenplay. This could happen next week or perhaps in the fall. They are almost 30 but their clocks don't tick yet. Their ship will come and they will buy a house in Pacific Palisades and be driven to the studio every day by Felipe while Maria cleans the house and Ramon does the yard and pool."

Oh Garrison do I detect a sense of bitterness towards a generation that can get both work and play achieved concurrently? What nationality is your gardner mister Keillor? How about the screenplay for your smashing movie with an all-star cast, including everyone's favorite teen hearthrob Lindsay Lohan? Nope, no sir, not anyone has wanted to improve their quality of life like the Y generation, why we're just a bunch of selfish YouTubing oafs.

Or is it that our generation has it, not harder, but much different than any of the generation's past. We have seen the most casual death and destruction, a rise in technology, and an administration of bull-shit. In my oppinion those factors have given way to a rise of confidence in ourselves. We are a generation of "Do It Yourselfers." I'd wager to say independent of the early pioneers we are the most effective workforce that the America's has ever seen. We efficiently whiz through our days at the cubicle so we can work on our popular podcasts, while trying to undo the environmental damage that the last seven decades have enacted, politically blogging and organizing, all while paying off our astronimical student loans. Contrary to popular belief everyone under the age of twenty five isn't sitting around tanked and watching animals copulate on YouTube, while waiting for our friends to pick us up in their Hummers for coffee and some gambling.

While I'm so charged up, The top 10 entirely avoidable mistakes made by the Bush administration. Yea for the internets!

Still in a bit of a funk, but not so much so. The weather is oppresive, much like, oh I won't say it ...

p.s. and by the way: My spell check is mysteriously missing from my dashboard, I expect a few or many misspells. My apologies.

Saturday, August 04, 2007


What is this tormenting and restive feeling? I can't seem to shake it, but I feel a sense of dread coming about. I am my mother's child in the respect that, sometimes I like things just so, and when my hopes are dashed I'm hard pressed to recover.

BaD Habit
That nasty old villain distance is plaguing me once again.

I broke down, couldn't wait for Amazon. Bought a book. Life is more interesting when I'm reading. It's shaping up to be one of those books; You know, the ones that leak their atmosphere into your own. Maybe that's why I feel so weird. I mean it could very well have just been my weekend location, but the foggy nature of the book (Umberto Eco's The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana) didn't help. I remember when I was studying abroad and reading (one of my favorite books of all time) Love in the Time of Cholera, I got all tragic and romantically wistful about me and Tee's across the ocean relationship. Then I got home and realized if we'd stayed together we probably would have killed one another! It was all the work of the book, keeping some magic alive!

I don't know. Also, it would appear as if my time is moving at a disproportionate speed to everyone elses clock. I feel like I'm Ms. Hurry up and Wait, and then hurry some more.


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Only Wednesday you Say?

The whole entire year of 2007 has flown by, why is this week taking its wicked sweet time? Oh boo. I've learned nearly a hundred new vocabulary terms this week. I'm sick of it. Ha ha. Those two sentences just sounded awfully boorish. My apologies.

It's just that, my books haven't come in yet so I just sit on the train and review words. I've even taken to playing word games online.


I need to get drunk and rowdy. Yeah, that's it. Also, I'm not going to cut my hair, and I've found a temporary urban abode to crash in, fun boys, sure to be fun times. No more waking up at the early cracks of the dawn, now if only the weekend would come quick...