Monday, March 31, 2008

Out of my Mind

I went for a walk tonight. It was quiet and sleepy and not nearly long enough. What I would give to be walking on that trail. This place doesn't jive well with my need to just expand my mind and body. I feel like I could sleep for a fortnight.

I'm going to not abuse my body for a while. I'm going to be proactive baby.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

so I meet you at the cemetry gates

Last night was Smith's night at Danny's and it felt good to throw caution to the wind and stay up late dancing to smart lyrics waaay past the hour that I should have been tight asleep. Maybe I won't ever decide to fully accept this grown up bull-shit. I'm always going to get frustrated about people giving me the run around.

Speaking of run around I lost my wallet ... AGAIN. I know it's really ridiculous. This time, I don't think it's coming back, probably due to hubris. I didn't really care about the money (three duckets) or the cards, but I got all whiny and bothered when I realized I couldn't get on the train to go and see S.

Last Unicorn: Well I have the confirmation code and the tickets are already paid for so that's okay right?
Amtrak Man: Yes, you can pick up your tickets ... you have to have a photo id though.
Last Unicorn: That's the thing, I don't have one. Lost wallet. That was it all my photo identification ... gone.
Amtrak Man: Well if you have your birth certificate and two forms of non-photo id...
Last Unicorn: So three forms of non-photo identification?
Amtrak Man: No .... well, yes.
Last Unicorn: I think I have my birth certificate, isn't that enough?
Amtrak Man: No. Since 911 no one can get on a train without a photo id or the birth certificate and two forms of non-photo id.
Last Unicorn: (my tone increasingly more whiny and panic-y) Really? I mean I don't think I have any thing else. There is no way to call ahead or anything ....
Amtrak Man: Do you want me to cancel your tickets?
Last Unicorn: NO! I really miss my boyfriend. I'm not a terrorist and I have the confirmation code that only I can access... I have to take that train! I hate 911.

Long Pause

Amtrak Man: I'm really sorry. I wish I could get you on that train miss, really I do.
Last Unicorn: (defeated tone) Thank you, sorry for yelling at you. This has been a long day.
Amtrak Man: It's only 10 a.m.
Last Unicorn: I know, ha ha, well thanks for your help. Maybe I'll forge something ... kidding.

Luckily when I got home I found a passport, college id (I guess I had doubles), and a blockbuster card. Crisis averted. Ladies and gentleman keep your photo and non-photo identification close to your heart, you are terrorist without it! All of this phone conversation ensued whilst my little sister who was visiting watched. I really try to set a good example for her and I felt pretty embarassed about the way I handled the situation. After I got off the phone I gave her the "that's not a really good way to handle those situations talk" but she just laughed at me. Then I laughed at myself. I laughed at myself even harder when I had to flash my passport at Danny's to get into the bar. I felt like a hokey secret agent.

It's getting warmer out and I am slowly coming out of my grumpy winter semi-hibernation state. I would like to publicly apologize to everyone for being a crabby crab apple tree crab face. Please forgive me for being anti-social and neglectful. I want to be friends and I want to go on adventures. Hey lets ride bikes and go to Myopic books! Let's get italian ice and make incendiary zines.

I'm no good to anyone in the winter. Next year I need to figure out a better way to manage my cold-war blues. Let's all cross our fingers for sunshine and hope for rain drops instead of snow flakes, we still have a little way to go before dress weather!

Waking up from a loooong cold winter.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Geez I can't Find my Knees

So this has been the most successful weekend home in a long loooong time. How refreshing.

I could go into detail about how and why it's been good, but I feel like that might ruin it. Sometimes it was an intangible nostalgia goodness and other times it was everything just being the way it could. If that makes any sense to anyone.

This was the kind of weekend I needed after the kind of week I had.

I put my hands in my pocket and felt around with my thumb. I don't need anything tomorrow that I don't have today. I'm sorry. But at least you got me thinking. We always are thinking. Don't think that you made a mistake. Feed the room you're in.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Tierra Y Libertad: It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees!

Beware, this will be a long and wandering Blog.

First off it's snowing again and that makes me really unhappy. While I'm watching this snow fall I am sitting on the phone trying to figure out whether or not it was my bank or my phone company that illegally (stole) debited money from my bank account. Both of the parties are blaming it on each other and acting like it's not a big deal that $129 is missing from my account. I'm frustrated and trying to maintain my patience. Cingular went down the tubes since AT&T took it over, and National City can shove it. Apart from karaoke Monday and my sister's choir concert this has probably been one of the worst weeks I've had in a very long time.

On a somewhat happier note (sort of) a woman just called me to tell me that she found my wallet (with my debit card, transit card, driver's license, and some cash monies) outside of her work. She's bringing it to me at one o'clock. I didn't even know I lost it. It honestly gives me a mood boost that this woman was so cool about finding it and tracking me down. She called my college and they linked her to my cell phone. She's really sweet and I'm very grateful that she exists. Lame of me to be careless enough to lose something like that and not even know it.

Secondly, B. dropped me a line the other day and I found out that he is currently in CHIAPAS, MEXICO! It made me really excited and sort of sad at the same time. Excited because that is an awesome and interesting place to be absorbing, in this day and time. I just recently got very interested in the Zapatista movement. It's crazy how two people can take a lot of time off from each other and intermittently reconnect at very similar states of mind. I really miss that kid's presence in my life. It makes me sort of sad though because it forces me to reflect on how I'm spending my time.

I feel really antsy here, in Chicago, everyone knows that who reads this blog, but I am sort of stuck. I want to be doing things, but I can only read about them. I feel like I'm living two lives in two different places and half assing both of them. I can't establish a comfortable social network here, because I'm leaving every other weekend. I feel like every time I leave one place I miss what's going on in the other. Their is a lot of guilt attached to a lot of my life right now. The way I view the world has been changing a lot in the past eight months or so, and I find it hard to reconcile my two states of being.

I don't know. I've never been so frustrated in my life and I'm really afraid that next year will make me feel the same way. I want to make the best use of my time wherever I'm at. I want to not feel like I'm being judged on every little change that commences. Change is good. I put the kabash* on a lot of crappy things I used to do that brought me joy. Maybe I'm approaching my new mindset in a poor way. I suppose I need to be more sensitive to the fact that when someone's a certain way in a relationship for a long time even a gradual change can be upsetting. I still like to have fun, I'm still the same old Last Unicorn, I just like to be a lot less critical of people and don't like spending money on silly things!

I don't know. I just want everyone to be happy. Ladies and Gentle Giants that is a lot harder than it looks.

I break this egg and the woman is born and the man is born. And they will live and die together. But they will be born again. They will be born and they will die once more and be born another time. And they will never stop being born, because death is a lie.
Eduardo Galeano, 'Myths of the Makiritare Indians

*On kabash: I was double checking my spelling (so I didn't look like a jerk) on kabash and google said: Did you men kibosh? Even though right below it was the Hebrew dictionary that had the word kabash (def: to subdue, subjugate etc.) But I was curious was I using the word wrong and what does kibosh mean? In Merriam Webster's online dictionary the word kibosh is defined as: something that serves as a check or stop. Now I admit the more precise word would kibosh except I'm pretty sure they just stole the word from the Hebrew Lexicon and slightly tweaked it for English usage. I KNOW i know that's what the English language does, but the thing that really bugs me is that according to Merriam Webster the origin of this word is unknown. It in fact has an origin and that origin is Hebrew and it is a primitive root word for subjugation that is used at least once (sometimes more) in over half the books of the old testament. C'mon Websters let's give origin credit where orgin credit is do.

One more thing ... a slightly different form of Kabash is found in the online urban dictionary as Kabosh, verb AND noun, respectively "to end something" and "a termination."

Lastly, I'm resolving to be more proactive ... about everything. Maybe I can't be in Mexico defending the Zapatista movement, but that doesn't mean I have to feel like I am wasting my time. I can figure out ways to help at home. I can do my best to understand these new ideas I am steeped in and formulate ways to apply them to my everyday life. If I really believe in these things I shouldn't feel uncomfortable when I am judged by them. I have a lot of growing still ahead of me and I can't let my origins hold me back. (See how I sort of brought that back around? I'm trying to make this entry a lot less random, but I think I failed, ha ha)

Have a lovely weekend.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Not My War

Today marks the five year anniversary of United States occupying Iraq. Anti-war demonstrations are taking place all over the world. Click here to find something in your area.

Wouldn't you rather "support our troops" when they are at home increasing the quality of the Amerian way of life instead of degrading the quality of another people's way of life? Stop and ask yourself what the troops really are doing over there. The longer this "war" goes on the longer we will all have to pay for it. Take back your country and make your voice be heard.

How many more humans have to die for an abstract cause? How many more after school programs have to be cut to buy more B-2 bombers and rounds of ammo?

Anyway, you should job over to this site and check out all the Iraq War Vets that have been in the thick of it and hear what they have to say, Kevin Binderman's story is especially interesting ....

If you can't make it to a protest wear something black and make a point to talk to your friends and family about what this "anniversary" means to you.

Peace in the Middle East, Yo

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Nore Bang!

Last night was the first night in a couple of weeks (besides when S. is over) that I slept really well. Finally.

I feel refreshed, and I also finished a book today! Wooo.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

So Many Worries Pilgrim, I'll Bring Back Your Rosary

And the only thing softer than my hair is the way you hold me when we're sleeping.

I used to be in love with beauty. An aesthetic way of perceiving the world. Well put together often superseded quality or truth.

You always got me thinking.

I've found beauty in the bus stop, in error, failure, and some sparse chest hair.
Beauty isn't a snappy outfit from American Apparel, it's that intense stare that has no defined beginning or end; no meaning or reason. Beauty is hundreds of people united in a cause. Beauty is empathy. Beauty is natural.

I feel blessed right now. I'm tender and I can't sleep, but I got a lot going for me. I lay down and close my eyes thinking about how slowly (but surely) they are opening. I can see shifting colors.

oh thank you thank you thank you thank you. You're a saint.

I want to be a soothsayer, but I'm just a clutzy mess. Tonight I feel softhearted and steady. Why won't this feeling last? So far that feeling hasn't passed.

For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;

Pic by Peter Turnley (loverly)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Good Day Sunshine

I like the way the sun warms my face. It's supposed to stay warm for a few days.
Now that's what I'm talking about!

My family is sort of crazy right now and I think it's affecting my sleep. It's not happening too much, sleep that is, I just toss and turn with awful thoughts banging around in my brain all night. Sigh. To boot the boys haven't really been napping at all this week. I feel like a hot tranny mess (go Christian).

Also I think I'm addicted to Scrabulous. Not the long-winded FaceBook kind, the truly nerdy real time online kind. It too is crowding my brain. I don't even know if I really like playing anymore or not.

My brain is all jumbled these days.

BUT I now know six rolls and three chords on the banjo (hot damn).

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

My Man, My Morning

God bless daylight savings time. It's nice walking home from work in sunset light instead of frigid darkness.

Also, I'm really sick of all this Hillary/Obama mudslinging.

They're basically the same person.*

Actually I hope whoever makes the dem primary will also become president and enact sweeping social and economic reforms. Go ahead make me eat my words guys!

*Except their respective partners Michelle Obama has some sass, and I think I might even like her.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Carbon Carbon You So Fine!

I stole a copy of the "New Yorker" from the laundromat this morning and found a really interesting article about carbon emissions.

You can read it here for free.

Another reason why everyone else in the world is more responsible than the U.S.

Happy Friday!!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Disco Discovery Discography (not the credit card or the dance movement)

I've been oddly sentimental as of late. Last night I watched my first episode of American Idol.

I had a mild allergic reaction and it burned. I wouldn't recommend American Idol, it burns like pineapple.

I've been consuming a lot of information online lately and my roommate told me that she thinks I'm obsessed with "the computer." I think that she is obsessed with Wii crossbow training. I don't know which is worse.

How all these things tie together to bring me to my present state I don't know; however, I do know that I'm feeling antsy sitting on top of all this information and ice floes.

I mean damnit. I need to go cause trouble, or sit on a warm beach. (or both)

Here's a song and artist I am totally and completely digging over right now. I know, a year later than everyone else! Go check out her sick (and incendiary) lyrics online. MIA!

This song is catchy as hell and probably her most popular, but check out her other stuff it's equally amazing!