Anyway, tonight I can't sleep.
I completely forgot that Super Grass had like a top hit, what a bunch of goofs. On good days, this is exactly what my life is colored like. This song makes me feel pretty good.
My writing has been pretty funny lately. NOT funny ha ha. Poetry angry, prose sad. I'm writing a story about an awfully sad man, it kind of convinces me that I'm sad. I'm not. I have a lot to be happy about these days. But I suppose there are always things to be sad about.
Actually last week I had a good hard cry. Damn they feel good. I hadn't cried so hard in a long time. Everything seems clearer after I have a nice sob fest. I think physicians should prescribe good hard crys to people. You can start crying about one thing and then it just opens the flood gates for everything else that has been riding on your back. Comparable to a good laugh, but laughing serves a different kind of cathartic function.
At one point in my life I couldn't cry. Being really sad without crying may be one of the worst feelings ever. It's like being stuck in a desert where the oasis is in plain site, but no matter how much you walk you never quite get to it.
Anyway the character in my story isn't actually that sad, he's just lonely, I suppose that makes me sad for him. I want to give him a happy ending. I'm getting quite attached to him, but I don't think it would do his story justice to just throw him a sweet pastel ending. In terms of my poetry, as long as I am surrounded by construction on all four sides, I will be an angry poet. I need my annoyance and frustration to manifest itself somewhere...
and maybe things are getting back to normal domestically.
I hope I hope I hope.
all the usual hearts to you
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