Friday, July 20, 2007

The wonders of the "El"

I got to sleep in today ... a whole two hours! Seriously it was delightful. 5 a.m. hurts my heart, but 7 is quite manageable. The weather is perfect and I'm in high spirits. The rugrats are sound asleep in the other room. I think we'll go to the zoo today. After work I get to take Miss Owl out for a birthday dinner. Oh joy, one of the luxuries of this thing called money. Oh, I do love treating others. Tomorrow is little sis' 16th birthday party! What an exciting age.

I'm drinking a peculiar orange "drink." It is remniscent of Tang minus all the nostalgia and goodness associated with Tang. A powdered abomination ... It tastes of battery acid. Rememeber the awful Stephen King movie/book IT? " I believe in Santa Claus. I believe in the Easter Bunny. I believe in the Tooth Fairy. But I don't believe in you. This is battery acid. Now, you disappear!" The end of the movie ruined every ounce of bad dreams that clown gave me. I mean c'mon, a claymation spider? Anyway I'm all over the place today, I'll just end with a sample of a little something I've been playing around with:

"Dame un beso." It's Spanish she said staring across the table, "Well aren't you going to ask me what it means?" I shrugged my shoulders, transfixed by the delicate stretch of skin where her ear connected to the rest of her body. "Hello! Earth to Owlsley, it means give me a kiss." I did't care what it meant I just wanted to envelope myself in that fold of skin. I imagine it's the softest thing about her. All I know about Karen is the brief run-down my friend Jen gave me; "Tall, but not a beast, short hair, short temper, red Prius, and she loves latin food. Authentic, not that Taco Bell bullshit."

I narrowed my eyes honing in on the spot. She didn't notice I was scrutinizing the area. I think it might be called the lobe? She had a set of lobes to die for. Our appetizers arrived, soup for her, salad for me. I was momentarily distracted.

Upon finishing my tasty tidbit I focused once more upon her fleshy fixins. The skin was milky white and smoother than a heifer's udder. The skin slightly scrunched when she smiled. Every now and then I nodded politely so as to not seem rude. She continued talking Over the course of my intense and singular scrutiny I forgot that Tam posessed not one but two luxurious lobes.

I wanted to swing from the folds and then spread them out on a grassy knoll for a picnic. I wanted to pepper them with kisses, I wanted to -- "Are you listening to me? The waiter needs to know what you want." I was snapped from my transfixion.

"Uh, sorry good man, what's that?"
"We're out of the mango salsa, so sorry, would you like me to replace it with the small flaps of skin that connects the lady'a ears to la cabeza?"

Did he? Well do I, "I'll take some of that, and give me some grilled tofu smothered in ear lobes as a side dish. Oh I get two side dishes? Then I'll have the baked sweet soft connectors casserole." I nodded my head in delight and the waiter took leave of the table. I wore a dopey grin on my long face.

"Well aren't we hungry? I didn't know you liked sweet soft connectors!" I dreamily nodded my head and reached across the table for a squeeze. "Ouch! What the hell are you doing?"

Ahh yes, a small excerpt from the silly mind of The Last Unicorn. Trash it correct it tell me what you think!
Also I implore you all once more ... I'm getting ready to start the long road to the GRE. I'm serious about it this time folks! Any tips, good books or study aids? Let me know!!!


Grad School Reject said...

Nice work here. Is this part of something bigger, or was this just something that you did as a short piece? It reminded me of a more American/playful version of Jeanette Winterson (sp?)

More please.

The Last Unicorn said...

Thank you. Nah, it's just a daily exercise type thing. It made me laugh.

Oh my word a Jeanette Winterson comparison, I'm utterly flattered. I wish I could hire you as my motivational coach!