Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Walking the Cow

On Sunday I went to a book swap.  This gal started talking to me about life, and quickly the conversation became heavy heavy.  She convinced me to take a cheesy pastel book titled, "Always Believe in Yourself and Your Dreams."  I flipped it open today to avoid studying and a four leaf clover was pressed into the pages. 

The book's cheese lived up to its pastel binding and I accidentally broke one of the leaves off the clover, but goddamn it if it didn't mean something.

blw messaged me today out of the blue.  We hadn't spoken since I got his package in the mail. He has this way of challenging me and pushing me to dream big from the thousands of miles away.

I've been struggling a lot with personal fears and limitations lately.  I recently realized the extent of the limits I impose upon myself in my goals and relationships, are basically due to a fundamentally low self-worth.  It's a really weird thing to identify in yourself.  I've always thought I've had a pretty decent self-esteem.  But I never really believed the things I told myself. 

Things are pretty crazy in my life right now.  A lot of change is on the horizon, and I want to be able to fully embrace it all without being dragged down by an idea of who the last unicorn should be.

When I got my tattoo on my arm, all of a sudden I didn't mind showing off my disproportionately big arms that had kept me in cardigans for the past five years.  My arms became beautiful.  But really they were the same genetic wings as before, the only difference was my perception.  

Most things are a matter of perception.

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