Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Old Bones make good Woodwork

I imagined the inevitable meeting a thousand times in my head. I knew what to expect.
But the inevitable never happened and eventually I packed up the idea and put it in a place where you forget about things.

The passage of time is weird. I am a mere shadow of who I was nearly two years ago. When I had projected this reunion in my head I envisioned latent anger and frustrations flaring. I expected to fall into that feeling, become that brat I was before.

To my great surprise at some point down the line I let go of whatever I was holding on to. There is something to be said for change on parallel planes. You are softer now than you were. I hope it is so and not being caught off guard. A while ago I wondered if I ever really knew you, but last night I answered my own question. All I can hope is for your happiness. If we never run into each other again it's much better to remember you with an awkward smile and hurt groin than some unfinished seam on my bloody heart.

I can say this of a chance encounter: Sometimes it takes a little shake-up to make you realize where you are in your life. I am exactly where I need to be. I have gained a real sense of who I am and where I want to be going. I'm no longer that over compensating insecure girl who is afraid to explore her self and damn it, that's a fantastic feeling.

Funny how you always resurface in warm weather.

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