Brr

It is fucking cold here.  I want to go back to cali.  It was so warm.  I'm still going to try and ride my bike today, though I'll probably regret it.

(that's me looking warm and content in San Fran)

Anniversarily

You love whether or not you like it, to love is to run the risk of failure, the risk of betrayal, and the risk of utter uncomfortable vulnerability.  But love awakens the divine presence in all of us.  It rips us out of our comfort zone and leaves us stripped.  It's like a superpower, left in the wrong hands, it could be bad news.  But you know, it's always worth it.

- a smart ass

Later Illinois!!

Eye Want You On My Side

Getting Paid

Oh man, got a cool job interview on Friday.  So nervous.  So excited.

Reveal the Path

I watched the cheesiest cycling movie last night and cried.  Ha ha.  WHO AM I?

I'm there.  For the first time in my life I have less words and more to do.

"If we open ourselves up to the path we can experience so many more things.  Sometimes we are overtaken in our lives with the target ... Let's just be in this moment, let's just experience each other and you know, grow from that. "
                                                           - Some old Scottish guy with a cycling cap on

Year in Review

2012 was a bumpy rocky stretch of time peppered with tiny but mighty rays of light throughout.  I lost a lot this year, but, at the risk of sounding cheezmo, I gained so much.  As my most important relationship to date came to a close I chose to explore my self in ways I never really could before.  Sometimes I wasn't very happy with those explorations, but they all led me to somewhere new.  I learned a lot about sucking it up and just doing it (whatever IT is) this year.

I met some people who really inspired me to change my life and who changed my life by just allowing me into their world.  I took trips! I made tough decisions!  I was present when I didn't really want to be.  I said no, which for me is one of the hardest things to do.  I also, said yes, which is only slightly easier (haha).  I hope to keep up my spirit for adventure.

I'm not under the impression that 2013 will be easy, but as a result of the rigors of 2012, I believe I'm better equipped to handle whatever is thrown my way.  I'm poised for more change and discovery.  I don't think I'd change much about 2012, except for all the people that left me too soon.  Well, maybe my car hood flying off and depleting my savings, but there are lessons in that too, ha ha. I feel like a new woman.

I would like to give cycling and the great people and challenges that go with it an honorable mention.  I'm not so sure I would have come through the tail end of this tough year nearly as content without my bike. Cycling is a deep well I am only beginning to dip into.  As a thanks my top new years resolution is to ride every single day in 2013.  My other resolutions?

1) Prioritize.  I have always sucked at this.
2) Make more, consume less.
3) Give yourself the credit you deserve.
4) Do things with more intention. (this one is so vague but it means a lot to me)
5) FINISH NURSING SCHOOL!

Christmas Part Deux

My family is notorious for not really caring about the holidays.  I've always set my standards pretty low so I won't get disappointed (I should stop that habit, but that's a whole 'nother post).  My holidays are usually supplemented by my boyfriend's and my best friend's family which more than fill my holiday quota.  This year's Christmas was super weird and I tried to be all cool and not care, but truth be told I was a little bummed this year.  No boyfriend, so no boyfriend's family to make me feel all warm and loved.  No sister, cause she's mid life crisis(ing).  Work on Christmas day so no best friend family to stuff me full of food and ask me medical questions.  I think the highlight of my holiday was probably falling asleep with my lil sis in her bed watching Garden State.  We were bummed together and talked about the forward momentum of time and how things are always changing so you really have to just enjoy it while it's happening and try not to dwell on the change.  I'm getting better about this.  But sometimes I don't want to.  I got to stop acting like a brick when I'm really just a cushy pillow.

Luckily last night A. brought over pheasants he hunted that morning (wut) and we had an impromptu Victorian Christmas that unexpectedly turned into a party full of people that made me feel all warm and fuzzy and full of good vibes.  I hope it's an indicator of NYE and the year ahead.

First Snow

“The greater the suffering, the greater the pleasure. That is nature’s payback to riders for the homage they pay her by suffering. Velvet pillows, safari parks, sunglasses; people have become woolly mice. They still have bodies that can walk for five days and four nights through a desert of snow, without food, but they accept praise for having taken a one-hour bicycle ride. ‘Good for you’. Instead of expressing their gratitude for the rain by getting wet, people walk around with umbrellas. Nature is an old lady with few friends these days, and those who wish to make use of her charms, she rewards passionately.”    The Rider Tim Krabbe 

Me, like the cold?  

The Weight

Comically unsteady riding through Chicago with 30lbs of groceries on my back somehow helped me feel lighter.  Funks are a funny thing.

I also got a surprise text from B: I'll be in town late tonight.  Well that's just great.  Good food in my belly and good friends in my presence.  What do I have to funk around about?



Also, I could listen to this song fifty times in a row and not get tired of it.  Have an awesome day.