Life expectancy of the average American female

It's only fitting I start out the cancer unit in nursing with someone close to me getting diagnosed terminally.  Today of all days.  The same day I had to joke through some tears while I held K's hand as he received his last infusion of intrathecal chemo.

Yo kid that cerebrospinal fluid looks good.
I'd rather be playing video games.
Me too.
Me fucking too.

I woke up thinking my hangover was going to be the hardest part of getting through the day.  I'm just going to stop answering my phone.  I never get bad news in texts.  2012 is definitely the worst year of my life, but it's going to be a lot worse for L.  What would you do if you had 1-3 months to live and further contemplation to follow.

Wild Love

Here is a post about Alice B. Toklas and Gertrude Stein on one of the only blogs I read regularly.  I barely have time to internet anymore, so it was a really nice post to open up to.  Stein's literature holds a special place in my heart and always will.  In addition, she's a fucking rad woman.  I think I should add What is Remembered to my winter break reading list.

This weekend should be very interesting.  I am entering into a balancing act, and we all know how good I am at that.

Pop rocks, blood, and tears

In the last 24 hours: Kitty eats rat poison, boy who likes you that you don't like that way who you just told that to falls into a window ac unit, best friend breaks giant lcd television in your home.

Like whoa.
I just want to be riding my bike.

It's a Living Thing

SLOW DOWN J.

Bonez

http://p-s-ychotic.tumblr.com/post/33345640260/like-this-click-for-more

I could stare at this all day.  No, really.

I keep experiencing this phenomenon that startles me awake in the middle of the night.  It must be a reoccurring dream, but I just wake up thinking I'm somewhere that I'm not.  I pop up like a board, and I have to physically re-orient myself to the time and my location.


It's starting to make me worry.

I can turn a river into a raging fire, but ohhhhh

I'll soon be naked

(I think I have the first part covered)

Never in my life has every single thing felt so shaky beneath my feet.  I understand all the stock phrases,  but still, this is a terror of a place to be in.  I'm going to take it all out on the lake front trail, because that's my only solution right now.  Maybe I'll fall into the lake and turn into an ignorant little guppy.

xSummahx

I wish I could write it all down and read it like a book.

Today I was on the toilet watching a spider spin a web for like ten minutes.  Then I burst into tears.  Life is so weird it makes my brain spin.  Also, I'll probably get a prolapsed anus now.

Summer is still good (ay great), but the fingers of fall are beginning to take hold.  They are mostly in my head, because I tire easily of the social strata.  They are there nonetheless.  I long for the cool gusts of crisp air and the endless hours of reading.  Well, today, I do.  Maybe, on that day, I'll be thinking of the warm winds of July and tanned skinned friends.  Humans (especially this one) are fickle creatures.  I just can't imagine shoving more fun and good memories into this Summer than I already have.  I guess that makes me a very lucky gal.  On a serious note:

Two projects worth reminding myself about...  

1) Zine series titled: "I Can't Afford to Get Sick"
    Issue 1: STDs
(Convince S to draw someone looking into their pants incredulously for the front cover)
Read scholarly articles
Identify community resources

2) Fun with Flavor - Kombucha
Find another glass beverage dispenser

Whole fruit - ginger + blueberry
Chai - cinnamon stick, cloves, cardamom
"dark n stormy" - ginger and a little rum extract
lavender
lime basil
Raspberry - whole fruit