Visa Schmisa

Ahhh this whole process has been all about waiting and I just want to get going!

First I have to wait for all of my documents to get ordered and mailed to me.
Then I have to wait for all these documents to get to Korea.
Then I wait for them to process my visa number.
Then I wait for the consulate to open up an interview for me (Wednesday).
Of course that's the original day I was supposed to fly out.
Then I have to wait for them to process THAT. THEN I get my visa and book my flight.
So Saturday? Not this one, the next that is.

Saying goodbyes are miserable and I really just need to leave and not drag out this process any longer. Okay there are totally ups to leaving a few days later than I was supposed to, but right now I'm just frustrated. The sooner I get there, the sooner I get to understand how this all feels, and how my life will be for the next year. I've been intensely anticipating this moment for about a year now.

In addition, last night was my last as Nanny Unicorn. Over two years of dedicated service. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm excited to move on to the next chapter, but it makes me really sad to leave my family. It's weird that no one is going to crawl into my bed at 5:00 to sleep with me because they are scared of the "funder" or just to cuddle. I'll miss my boss in all her strength and wisdom. But I won't miss poopie diapers and time outs ... well maybe I'll even miss those. Being a nanny for this family has taught me more than I can ever imagine about responsibility, love, and common sense. I wouldn't trade it for an office job any day! I was truly lucky to find them and I know, even though I won't see them everyday, I'll be a part of their family forever.

Promises You Can Keep

Even in the grimmest of circumstances, a shift in perspective can create startling change.
- Susan Griffin

Oh man.

Realizations:

I'm taking an extended vacation to a foreign country. Alright, I'm moving to a foreign country in about a week. All.By.My.Self. The Last Unicorn is going to be a teacher, whoop.

Being the only sober person with a bunch of drunks can actually be fun, who'd have thought.

Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy? I will come to understand the answer to this question statement over time. Love is funny, but so is life. I'm excited to see how this goes.

My baby sister is 18, holy cow, exciting.

Goodbyes are not fun. So I'm just not going to say goodbye anymore, see you later folks.

I haven't even started packing. :(

Show Some Kindness to a Petty Thief

My time here is measured out by days, and each one is filled with something, someone, a check on a list. I wish I had time to throw a big bash, but that wouldn't satisfy me. I'd probably just get drunk instead of letting all of you know how important you are in my life. Big and small roles, I am full with gratitude. So I rattle off on my blog and hope you pass upon this while internetting. I'm trying my best to see everyone whose lack of presence in my life will leave a small or big emptiness in my tummy, but I just can't seem to get all the things that I want done. I'm trying my best.

This summer made me realize that I have a pretty decent network of pretty amazing people in my life. You are all so different and awesome. I didn't appreciate you all like I should have. Now I'm leaving and I'm kicking myself in the shins. Hopefully you'll still all want to hang out with me when I get back. Cuz I want to see you.

Crazy crazy busy life 2k9

P.S. My phone just froze ... I didn't even know this was possible.

Fire in the Sky

If you can tell me what it's like to die, I can tell you what it's like to be alive.

Keeping My Head Above Water

With bf in tow, a six pack of Hamm's and Away We Go I embarked on my last night as a resident of Lincoln Park.

Away We Go was precious. It was a story about messy, complicated, and beautiful human love.

The last thing I needed to watch was a movie about love. But I'm in love with love, and I don't mind letting it tug at the secret parts of my soul. Love has made me a better person. Tonight I felt it moving all around me. Tonight I didn't feel so scared and alone. But enough of that.

I'm going to miss Lincoln Park. I'm going to miss the young hobo that I would bring books to and the couple that was always cuddling on the lobby couch every night I passed by a little too late at night, I'm going to miss walking down to the beach and all the things that have transpired there, I'm going to miss dropping into the zoo for a few minutes, and the doormen, and the ticket taker at the movies who always made my heart flutter and never made me feel weird about seeing movies by myself, I'll miss the convenience of the city, the pushy joggers, getting cookies from Adera, and the old man whose twin brother died. I'm even going to miss sleeping on the couch. I'm going to miss walking down to Sultan's, that cheap and wonderful thrift shop, the brownstones, Oz Park, meeting up with the Grocer for walks around the pond, and of course play dates with Theresa and Sophia. I'm going to miss a lot that a suburban nanny could never experience. But I think that for this last month I need the white noise of the boring suburbs to calm my soul before the big leap.

"But try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero."

I want to be your hero.

The Depth I've Never Felt

As per a conversation I had last night over milkshakes and records ...

I wonder how much of my life I've wasted texting?

One Flew East One Flew West

I just finished One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It made me feel all sorts of poles of emotions. That combine that the chief speaks of in the book really exists. It is every establishment and the parts of our brains that have been fashioned out of those same parts. But the opportunity to throw a wrench at the combine or slow it down so people can see just what runs them exists too, and every simple victory is worth celebrating. I'm not talking about going to some demonstration or hosting a food not bombs, while those are all great things they work outside the combine.

I'm talkin' bout McMurphy. His subtle ways of championing the underdog and snubbing the inner machinations made all the other residents brave enough to see that life outside the combine. Because seeing is believing. In the end it cost him, but he always knew it would. Because everything worth living for comes with a price. The combine will always exist and it's always going to tug away at your soul, but it takes strength and a little bravado to live a full life without regrets, a life of resistance. Because when we can overcome things bigger than ourselves we become bigger. And sometimes it even feels good too!

I dunno. After I finished reading it I got the intangible feeling I got when I finished Troutfishing in America. So I do believe this one goes on the top twenty list. Huzzah. I cannot wait to watch the movie!

Next up on the docket: The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison and two books about teaching.

RRRRRRRip

Too early for a memorial dance party?


















By the way, today at the beach I got stung by a bee. I forgot how much that hurts. :(

The Boy Who Could Fly

I want to know this man. I want to sit down with him and say, "You are beautiful in every way. Let's drink tea and play scrabble." No expectations no promises no pressure. He seems brave, no? ----------->
I forgot where I got this picture from. Sorry.

Last night was steamy and pleasant. I got to see good music and good friends and sure I had to bite my lip not to cry a little, but I'm trying to get better at living with that empty space. I'm trying to fill that gaping hole with music and books and lovely sweaty people.

Bah the month of July makes me feel so stressed to even think about.

BUT I just downloaded the Andrew W.K. discography so I think we'll all be okay.

Right?

What's Your Name. They Don't Care.

So this weekend was real nice and I don't work today so it feels even better. But I don't think I'm going to wear high heels for another five years! I ran into so many people this weekend at the weirdest places: Sparx Girl at a wedding, Sparx Boy at train station waiting for a different Sparx Girl for picnic (M&D are one of my more fave couples that exist), my cousin on my dad's side on train whom I hadn't spent time with since I was a little girl crawling under the table while they all played dominos, and finally my all through elementary school on again off again first boyfriend of all time (and his mom) on the streets of Chicago.

Weird town.

Father's day was nice and I know my papi doesn't read this or even know what blogger probably even is, BUT I appreciate you more than you can possibly understand. I wish I had about a thousand more ways to show it.

Last night after my farewell (she's back to LA) bike ride with T. I drove around way longer than the length it took me to drive home. I listened to mix c.d.s and felt the summer smack into my face. The skeeters were out and so were the lightening bugs. I pulled into the parking lot of the "Solid Rock" church, jumped on the giant trampoline for a little while, and then I just laid on that taut black fabric looking up at the night sky. The notions that flung through my mind were worthy of a poetic anthology, but when I whipped out my little black notebook I wrote just one sentence.

Today I spent the majority of the day painting with my mom and lil sis while listening to Johnny Cash in a tiny enclosed space, and then I spent the rest of the day riding my bike along the trail all free and sweaty and wild like listening to everything else.

Tomorrow I go to The Museum of Science & Industry! I've been trying to go to this museum for like two years, so I'm pretty jazzed. Fun times. Weird times. Sad times. Summer times.