Erggg Arghhhh

Thinking really hard. Really Really Hard. Hard to smile. Talked to a soul-mate friend who is thinking really hard too and she sent me this:



Damnit if I didn't smile.

Sending out an S.O.S because your voice/face can save my ship. Or at least stop it from sinking.
Garble garble.

Going out and being social tonight. At least I feel pretty for once.

The Pains of Far Away

Finally got internetz in my apt. Oh yeah, I'm in Korea. Will talk all about my flight, but right now I'm so very tired and this is what I have to say...

I don't like not knowing how to read any directions of any sort. Street signs, menus, google homepage, how to work my washer/aircon/water heater. ETC. Didn't think about that did you Last Unicorn? This will probably be a constant thorn in my side. I'm way too independent to rely on someone for everything and way too klutzy to try and figure everything out on my own.

Frown town.

So I'm tired on day three in foreign country and day two of being "JessicaTeacher" and all I want to do is watch some of The Office ... Guess what? Hulu, NOT AVAILABLE IN YOUR LOCATION. NBC, NOT AVAILABLE IN YOUR LOCATION. If anyone knows where I can watch some American comedy I would be forever greatful.

While I am complaining a lot, my place is adorable (small, but adorable), my students are mostly rad and seem to dig me, I'm eating lots of wild food with hardly any (a little) stomach problems, and my neighbor is an awesome Canadian who came to teach a day before me!

A proper update soon.

<3 Lots of foreigner love.

Visa Schmisa

Ahhh this whole process has been all about waiting and I just want to get going!

First I have to wait for all of my documents to get ordered and mailed to me.
Then I have to wait for all these documents to get to Korea.
Then I wait for them to process my visa number.
Then I wait for the consulate to open up an interview for me (Wednesday).
Of course that's the original day I was supposed to fly out.
Then I have to wait for them to process THAT. THEN I get my visa and book my flight.
So Saturday? Not this one, the next that is.

Saying goodbyes are miserable and I really just need to leave and not drag out this process any longer. Okay there are totally ups to leaving a few days later than I was supposed to, but right now I'm just frustrated. The sooner I get there, the sooner I get to understand how this all feels, and how my life will be for the next year. I've been intensely anticipating this moment for about a year now.

In addition, last night was my last as Nanny Unicorn. Over two years of dedicated service. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm excited to move on to the next chapter, but it makes me really sad to leave my family. It's weird that no one is going to crawl into my bed at 5:00 to sleep with me because they are scared of the "funder" or just to cuddle. I'll miss my boss in all her strength and wisdom. But I won't miss poopie diapers and time outs ... well maybe I'll even miss those. Being a nanny for this family has taught me more than I can ever imagine about responsibility, love, and common sense. I wouldn't trade it for an office job any day! I was truly lucky to find them and I know, even though I won't see them everyday, I'll be a part of their family forever.

Promises You Can Keep

Even in the grimmest of circumstances, a shift in perspective can create startling change.
- Susan Griffin

Oh man.

Realizations:

I'm taking an extended vacation to a foreign country. Alright, I'm moving to a foreign country in about a week. All.By.My.Self. The Last Unicorn is going to be a teacher, whoop.

Being the only sober person with a bunch of drunks can actually be fun, who'd have thought.

Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy? I will come to understand the answer to this question statement over time. Love is funny, but so is life. I'm excited to see how this goes.

My baby sister is 18, holy cow, exciting.

Goodbyes are not fun. So I'm just not going to say goodbye anymore, see you later folks.

I haven't even started packing. :(

Show Some Kindness to a Petty Thief

My time here is measured out by days, and each one is filled with something, someone, a check on a list. I wish I had time to throw a big bash, but that wouldn't satisfy me. I'd probably just get drunk instead of letting all of you know how important you are in my life. Big and small roles, I am full with gratitude. So I rattle off on my blog and hope you pass upon this while internetting. I'm trying my best to see everyone whose lack of presence in my life will leave a small or big emptiness in my tummy, but I just can't seem to get all the things that I want done. I'm trying my best.

This summer made me realize that I have a pretty decent network of pretty amazing people in my life. You are all so different and awesome. I didn't appreciate you all like I should have. Now I'm leaving and I'm kicking myself in the shins. Hopefully you'll still all want to hang out with me when I get back. Cuz I want to see you.

Crazy crazy busy life 2k9

P.S. My phone just froze ... I didn't even know this was possible.

Fire in the Sky

If you can tell me what it's like to die, I can tell you what it's like to be alive.

Keeping My Head Above Water

With bf in tow, a six pack of Hamm's and Away We Go I embarked on my last night as a resident of Lincoln Park.

Away We Go was precious. It was a story about messy, complicated, and beautiful human love.

The last thing I needed to watch was a movie about love. But I'm in love with love, and I don't mind letting it tug at the secret parts of my soul. Love has made me a better person. Tonight I felt it moving all around me. Tonight I didn't feel so scared and alone. But enough of that.

I'm going to miss Lincoln Park. I'm going to miss the young hobo that I would bring books to and the couple that was always cuddling on the lobby couch every night I passed by a little too late at night, I'm going to miss walking down to the beach and all the things that have transpired there, I'm going to miss dropping into the zoo for a few minutes, and the doormen, and the ticket taker at the movies who always made my heart flutter and never made me feel weird about seeing movies by myself, I'll miss the convenience of the city, the pushy joggers, getting cookies from Adera, and the old man whose twin brother died. I'm even going to miss sleeping on the couch. I'm going to miss walking down to Sultan's, that cheap and wonderful thrift shop, the brownstones, Oz Park, meeting up with the Grocer for walks around the pond, and of course play dates with Theresa and Sophia. I'm going to miss a lot that a suburban nanny could never experience. But I think that for this last month I need the white noise of the boring suburbs to calm my soul before the big leap.

"But try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero."

I want to be your hero.

The Depth I've Never Felt

As per a conversation I had last night over milkshakes and records ...

I wonder how much of my life I've wasted texting?

One Flew East One Flew West

I just finished One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It made me feel all sorts of poles of emotions. That combine that the chief speaks of in the book really exists. It is every establishment and the parts of our brains that have been fashioned out of those same parts. But the opportunity to throw a wrench at the combine or slow it down so people can see just what runs them exists too, and every simple victory is worth celebrating. I'm not talking about going to some demonstration or hosting a food not bombs, while those are all great things they work outside the combine.

I'm talkin' bout McMurphy. His subtle ways of championing the underdog and snubbing the inner machinations made all the other residents brave enough to see that life outside the combine. Because seeing is believing. In the end it cost him, but he always knew it would. Because everything worth living for comes with a price. The combine will always exist and it's always going to tug away at your soul, but it takes strength and a little bravado to live a full life without regrets, a life of resistance. Because when we can overcome things bigger than ourselves we become bigger. And sometimes it even feels good too!

I dunno. After I finished reading it I got the intangible feeling I got when I finished Troutfishing in America. So I do believe this one goes on the top twenty list. Huzzah. I cannot wait to watch the movie!

Next up on the docket: The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison and two books about teaching.

RRRRRRRip

Too early for a memorial dance party?


















By the way, today at the beach I got stung by a bee. I forgot how much that hurts. :(