Shell Shaped Painz

I hate being sick, and I hate my landlord.

I tried doing Wai Lana Yoga today. You know that woman on channel 11 that speaks in slow motion while doing yoga in a clown suit while winds blow and waves crash behind her.

That shit is hard.

All I want to do right now is cuddle with S. Seriously that's it. I got nothing beyond that.

Update Central

I have no internet (except at work and when I go to Dunkin Donuts) because my landlord broke our:
Cable Box
Router
Television (smoke and everything)
vcr
dvd player
and bathroom light

He also sprayed all over our apartment for ants with chemicals in a milk jug to which he did not know the ingredients. Did not fix the outlet (the only one we can plug our microwave into) and the front screens that we've been asking for since we moved in.

I'm also sick. Ha ha.

The Rich Girl

Does anyone have any old Fear Street books I can borrow?

ha ha, I'm serious.

"Wall Street over Main Street"

Did anyone watch the Presidential address today? My gosh. Seriously. I wish I wasn't committed to living in this country for the next year. If I didn't have a lease I would pack up my bags and get out next month.

"We are engaged against thugs and killers"
"We're in a struggle between those who understand liberty and the importance of advancing liberty and those who don't."

Oh yeah president? Enemy enemy blah blah blah. That's bullshit and hopefully most of us now understand that.

He also thinks that instead of exploring alternative energy sources, it would be a good idea to start interior drilling and refining in the National WIldlife Area (ANWR). Bush isn't bothering to greenwash us! For the information of the American people (according to Sen. Charles Schumer) ANWR could only produce enough oil to reduce current costs by one penny.

Schumer said it well when he asked whose side is Bush on? Big Oil or the American People? You can't be on both.

The trickle down affect just isn't working. So much isn't working.

Let's make it work on our own. Obviously the people we've trusted to make our decisions are failing (miserably).

DIY or die trying.

Allright I'm done with this diatribe.
grrrummmble

Save the Honey Beez

I think I'm going to start a self-portrait odyssey.

Also, everything is exploding with growth. Darn it I love the spring.

Old Bones make good Woodwork

I imagined the inevitable meeting a thousand times in my head. I knew what to expect.
But the inevitable never happened and eventually I packed up the idea and put it in a place where you forget about things.

The passage of time is weird. I am a mere shadow of who I was nearly two years ago. When I had projected this reunion in my head I envisioned latent anger and frustrations flaring. I expected to fall into that feeling, become that brat I was before.

To my great surprise at some point down the line I let go of whatever I was holding on to. There is something to be said for change on parallel planes. You are softer now than you were. I hope it is so and not being caught off guard. A while ago I wondered if I ever really knew you, but last night I answered my own question. All I can hope is for your happiness. If we never run into each other again it's much better to remember you with an awkward smile and hurt groin than some unfinished seam on my bloody heart.

I can say this of a chance encounter: Sometimes it takes a little shake-up to make you realize where you are in your life. I am exactly where I need to be. I have gained a real sense of who I am and where I want to be going. I'm no longer that over compensating insecure girl who is afraid to explore her self and damn it, that's a fantastic feeling.


Funny how you always resurface in warm weather.

Feliz Cumpleanos a Mi!

So today is the day I was born twenty four years ago, silly huh? I've never had a death wish, but honestly, I never imagined myself to live to be 24. Whoever thinks they are going to be 24? 16, 21, 60, but I never envisioned 24.

I don't feel like I'm in my mid twenties! No, not at all. This is a good thing most days. I have many thoughts on this, but I spent the day wondering outside and my mind is too loose to get into that tonight.

Thanks everyone for a fine birthday.

This weekend was damn lovely. It went exactly how I needed it to go, good weather, good conversation, and good lovin. I won't go into that either, but the sincerity and foxiness of S. baffles me. Sigh.

Anywho

I got to wear a dress today (finally) wahooo. Next stop ... Noah's Ark

Bourgeois Pig Cafe

There is a woodpecker outside my bedroom window. I wish he would have woken me up like two hours earlier so I could have felt the earthquake. Crazy times we livin in.

Have a nice weekend ... I know I will.

All Things Ordinary

A) Late last night I was awoken by a grown ass woman throwing a screaming tantrum. Silliness.
B) This morning the light post by the bus stop had a huge sticker on it that said: 9/11 Was an Inside Job!
C) It was very warm walking to work while the man in the Salmon colored coat followed me. This is the second day in the row he has done this.
D) Yo Gabba Gabba! is the best kids show, on the real.
E) I'm phasing out the boys morning nap, this should be interesting. For all of us.
F) It's Thursday! Tomorrow I will squeeze you like an accordion and play you like a fiddle.
G)

She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain

Last night I slept with ants and one very large spider. It was a surprisingly good sleep. When I woke up some of them came with me.

I've been thinking about the animal kingdom a lot lately. On Sunday T. and I were watching the Planet Earth series (Great Plains if you were wondering) and I watched a pride of lions chase and kill an elephant. It was rough, and it made me very uncomfortable. The lions were so, well animalistic.

While trying to stomach their feast the image of a family at the dinner table popped into my mind. The family was prim and proper (like all American families should be), but their faces and clothes were dripping with blood while they ripped into ambiguous animal carcasses. The images of the lions and the humans disgusted me equally. If I was an animal would I be the kind that tears into carcasses or grazes benignly on the Savannah? Would a pig suck the teat of their neighbor Sally the cow for their morning milk?

What is our responsibility as humans? Are we not a form of animals (we act like it)!
I don't know.

For the past couple of years, I've been lax about the fact that I don't eat meat. I really hate the label vegan and vegetarian (as I hate most labels), but I think I use that as an excuse to flex my position on the food chain. When I was younger I ate a ton of cereal and milk, but besides that on the whole I avoided animal products.

Alas, these days every once in a while I'll steal a bite of meat sauce and I will never (ever) turn down sea food. While some things I completely avoid (gelatin products) I will eat an entire cheese pizza and don't get me started with eggs! In theory eggs disgust me, but in taste and armed with the knowledge of their nutrition perks I can barely resist. I'm almost even half convinced to eat turkey at holiday meals (almost).

In my opinion we've gotten to a place where we can subsist on foods that are not animal based. The reason I stopped eating meat initially and the reason I mostly don't eat meat today is not because I'm heavy into animal rights. It was all about business.

Consuming animals and animal byproducts is a very dirty business. I'm not going to go into the specifics, because I'm not in the mood to preach, but trust me it's wasteful and polluting. I love meat. I love the taste of it and I'd love to eat a Subway meatball sub for 5 dollars. But married with the fact that it's cruel to animals (I didn't say I didn't care, I just said I wasn't HUGE about it), it's awful for the environment, it's bad for my health, and NOW with the image of those lions in my head I can't let myself be lax about it anymore.

I'm a pacifist and when I think of myself in those terms, I cannot imagine myself being a murderous predator, even when it comes to my dinner. I would probably die if I got stranded in the wild before I tore into a zebra. I'd like to think of myself as a human version of a Giraffe, but shorter and with a lot smaller tongue just munching away on leaves. Maybe not a giraffe, but you get the picture...

I just need to bite the bullet and get serious about my ideals. Even the ones that involve forgoing sweet delicious dairy. Well, you know what? I can eat my mini wheats with soy milk. Now, let's not jump to any labeling conclusions, but we all know what's going on. This weekend I fondly bid adieu to a few old friends.

I know I'm going to catch a lot of flack for this.