Who doesn't love inclement weather?

A tree is a question the ground asks of the sky.
- Harry Mathews

I thought the trees were benign. I thought they wouldn't come crashing down, but they did. It was punishment for not planting a tree on Arbor Day or not lionizing the forest on Earth day. Next year I will celebrate by planting a redwood forest in the loop.

Considering a silly conversation I had with a certain someone and his mom ...
Preserve our right to be free!

You're a pal and a confidant

I watched one too many episodes of Golden Girls today.

I dreamt I was late for work, and then I really was. Upon arriving, late, my boss gave me a slice of chocolate cake.
So I ate delicious chocolate cake for breakfast. Then I got a stomach ache. That's what I get for being late.

All I wanted to do this summer was swim. I didn't get to swim much. But I think back to who I was and the situation I was in last end of summer, and it's okay that I didn't get to swim very often. I found some paper writings I did around this time last year, it's pretty raw. I was the saddest I'd ever been in my entire life.

I spent nearly an entire summer either crying or trying to hold back tears. I didn't remember what it was like to be happy without trying. Thank goodness that only lasted for a bit. Last summer was rough, and I'm really glad to be where I am today with the people I care about today.

I wonder if you go through shitty stuff so you can understand and appreciate the wonderful things when they finally do come along.

The result was a million infinitely complex pieces.

Official dweller of the great (dirty, pretty, complex, etc.) city of chicago. Finally. Now if only I can figure out how to build a dining room table.

There are a trillion beautiful and lovely things about the world. True, there might be equal parts of rotten, but it is our job to root out the good and serve it up on a pink platter (or whatever color you like).

I am excited about things right now. Everything.

AND, it stopped raining.

hoo!

Next stop: Discourse on Immigration Policy.

Dodging the natural disaster:

We waited, but it never came. We watched out the window quietly in a mid afternoon haze. The rain, like a prized pianist's fingers plinked somber sprays of notes across the city. No one could get dry. Not this day or the one before.

On another day my face became flushed. I became a sort of gelatinous blob as people awed and strummed and bobbed their heads in beat. Later on It took the energy of an entire Metropolitan city not to cry. Not like you could tell the way it poured down onto me.

This is all true and happening and I can't believe it, because for awhile I thought that I couldn't feel that feeling. To think that anything has the power to reduce me to a gelatinous blob is scary. To think about maps and time tables isn't fun, but let's play like we're adventurists and not sentimentalists.

and who doesn't like an epic adventure?

we're not magicians because they are liars.
(we're magic)
we're not pioneers because many have been here before.
(we're doing it our way)
we're not maudlin because we're tough like tar.
(well maybe a little, but who cares)

I let that funny word slip out. No, not that one, the one suggesting ownership. I never liked labels, but I had never been motivated for it's use. What wonders never cease. la la la la how colloquial of me. I've decided to enroll in a writing class at the Art Institute (starts September 4). I know. But it's close and works with my schedule. Besides this blog ain't gonna get me into grad school!

The sun is sort of peeking out, and really I'm not worried about all this distance business. Really I'm just jealous that everyone gets to see you waay more than I do.

On Miso

You made a bad decision or two, but mostly you're nice and you got a sweet heart. You're messy and short, but not too short. Perhaps a little too messy. Definitely too loud. You wish you had a cause. You believe in God, but you don't know if you trust him. His motives are quite murky. You love animals but not as pets. Your eyebrows arch slightly everytime you lie, but everyone believes you all the time. You think you're pretty damn funny, and peanut butter is your favorite food.

Sometimes I forget who I am and what I stand for or is it that I never even knew?
I watched a big spider spin a big web outside the window as I typed this. I listened to sort of sad music and it felt like fall already. I don't know what I'm doing here folks.

I'm neither there nor here. Another weird transistion time. (let's just get it over with already!)

I ordered in and the really awesome half Swede half Japanese delivered. She's my favorite person I've met in the city. Miso soup is so delicous. I sit at the tiny table where light streams in at the northwestern corner; Quietly because the babies are finally asleep. I wait for it to separate and then dip my spoon so the miso mushrooms and swirls and mixes then separates again. Miso makes me feel like fall too. I've been cold since last night, and it finally warms me up a bit. I finally got to sleep in a bed last night. It makes getting up a little harder.

The books I'm reading are making me think a lot in really hard ways about how soft I live my life. But I knew this for some time now, it only distances me from the people I love. Weird. Whoever said the written word was dead?
Anyway
Don't get me wrong I'm not unhappy, I'm just pensive. Also, I just realized I haven't updated all week so this is what's going on in my head.

Small Table Big thoughts Little News

oh yeah i think something bit me in the neck while I was sleeping last night. well i know something did, i'm just not sure what. i may or may not be the undead or an insect next i post. lets hope for an insect, i'd hate to live forever.

Try to Remember Always

I had a most lovely weekend. I got all soaped up and tired. Dee-lightful.
It's crunch time for the apartment, ooooh, we're readying our pens....

It's all quiet on the Western Front err, I mean, I can't stop reading online news. It makes me feel angry.

New fave? This Modern World. Yeah, I guess you could say I'm left, but only cause' they make me.
Hell, I used to be fiscally conservative, but now I think they should just scrap it all and start over.

I was talking to bestfriend the other day about tolls and a heard rumour about the privatization of police forces she said, "well it's a democracy. Your democracy, if you don't like it you can leave. I mean theoretically you put all of these laws in place by voting and electing officials."


... Theoretically ...

The funny thing about theorizing is that it's only in your head.

Taste the Rainbow

a few things:
Skittles has brought me up and then back down again in one fell swoop. On the upside, limited edition carnival flavors: candy apple, bubble gum, cotton candy, red licorice, and green slushy. Oh so very good. On the down side it was just brought to my attention that Skittles contain gelatin. Boo for ground up pig and horse hooves. It was my first and last bag, but if you love ground up hooves and tasy carnival flavors I highly reccomend them. I'd say candy apple and red licorice are the BEST!

Last night in a bridge underpass I saw this scrawled across the wall: Love is Real Real is Love All You Need is Love.
It made me smile. C'mon folks seriously all you need is love ... (and carnival skittles) (kidding)

Then today I saw a sign that said: Deliver Goods in the Rear. It made me chuckle (because I am immature like that).

In other news apartment-ing is oh so very frustrating for a multitude of reasons. It doesn't help that I picked up another bad habit: online scrabble. I've played three games already today ... I know it's sad. Check it if you want a new addiction, scrabulous.com

Last night I got to feeling good about this whole distance/relationship deal. Long walks, short piers, and lovely human beings are all very reassuring. I'm nervous, excited, happy, and sad all at once. Wahoo!

All in all, things are moving fast and I'm reading more than I'm writing, which is okay for now. As long as I get a lease signed in the next week, I will be one fantastic gal.

Seriously though, try the skittles.

News, Blues, and other woeities

First off, I'm a little dissappointed G.Keillor. In a recent Salon article, Disaster Belief he writes abut generation Y (that's me) being a bunch of irresponsible lofty dreamers.

"A Harris Interactive poll of Generation Y's feelings about work shows 92 percent want a "flexible work schedule," 96 percent want a job that "requires creativity," and 97 percent want a job that "allows me to have an impact on the world." All I can say is, Wow. Good luck. And now you know why we need illegal immigrants."

A) I thought the bit about illegal immigrants was in poor taste.
but I can't throw any stones about poor taste, SO more importantly:
B) I'm going to tie a red string around my finger so as to make sure, that when I hit the ripe age of fifty I won't spend my days bemoaning about how much harder I had it as a child.

Then Keillor wagged on about how we waste our time watching silly videos on youTube while our immigrant caretakers break their backs in our gardens and toilets.

"meanwhile the young men and women in the cubicles are fascinated by the sex life of gerbils. After work they go to Matt's and drink like the Russian cavalry and get totally blitzed and take a leak in the refrigerator. They are working at Northern Grommets only until Steven Spielberg calls and tells them he is wildly in love with their screenplay. This could happen next week or perhaps in the fall. They are almost 30 but their clocks don't tick yet. Their ship will come and they will buy a house in Pacific Palisades and be driven to the studio every day by Felipe while Maria cleans the house and Ramon does the yard and pool."

Oh Garrison do I detect a sense of bitterness towards a generation that can get both work and play achieved concurrently? What nationality is your gardner mister Keillor? How about the screenplay for your smashing movie with an all-star cast, including everyone's favorite teen hearthrob Lindsay Lohan? Nope, no sir, not anyone has wanted to improve their quality of life like the Y generation, why we're just a bunch of selfish YouTubing oafs.

Or is it that our generation has it, not harder, but much different than any of the generation's past. We have seen the most casual death and destruction, a rise in technology, and an administration of bull-shit. In my oppinion those factors have given way to a rise of confidence in ourselves. We are a generation of "Do It Yourselfers." I'd wager to say independent of the early pioneers we are the most effective workforce that the America's has ever seen. We efficiently whiz through our days at the cubicle so we can work on our popular podcasts, while trying to undo the environmental damage that the last seven decades have enacted, politically blogging and organizing, all while paying off our astronimical student loans. Contrary to popular belief everyone under the age of twenty five isn't sitting around tanked and watching animals copulate on YouTube, while waiting for our friends to pick us up in their Hummers for coffee and some gambling.

While I'm so charged up, The top 10 entirely avoidable mistakes made by the Bush administration. Yea for the internets!

Still in a bit of a funk, but not so much so. The weather is oppresive, much like, oh I won't say it ...

p.s. and by the way: My spell check is mysteriously missing from my dashboard, I expect a few or many misspells. My apologies.

laconic

What is this tormenting and restive feeling? I can't seem to shake it, but I feel a sense of dread coming about. I am my mother's child in the respect that, sometimes I like things just so, and when my hopes are dashed I'm hard pressed to recover.

BaD Habit
That nasty old villain distance is plaguing me once again.

I broke down, couldn't wait for Amazon. Bought a book. Life is more interesting when I'm reading. It's shaping up to be one of those books; You know, the ones that leak their atmosphere into your own. Maybe that's why I feel so weird. I mean it could very well have just been my weekend location, but the foggy nature of the book (Umberto Eco's The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana) didn't help. I remember when I was studying abroad and reading (one of my favorite books of all time) Love in the Time of Cholera, I got all tragic and romantically wistful about me and Tee's across the ocean relationship. Then I got home and realized if we'd stayed together we probably would have killed one another! It was all the work of the book, keeping some magic alive!

I don't know. Also, it would appear as if my time is moving at a disproportionate speed to everyone elses clock. I feel like I'm Ms. Hurry up and Wait, and then hurry some more.

*Blah

Only Wednesday you Say?

The whole entire year of 2007 has flown by, why is this week taking its wicked sweet time? Oh boo. I've learned nearly a hundred new vocabulary terms this week. I'm sick of it. Ha ha. Those two sentences just sounded awfully boorish. My apologies.

It's just that, my books haven't come in yet so I just sit on the train and review words. I've even taken to playing word games online.

WHO AM I?

I need to get drunk and rowdy. Yeah, that's it. Also, I'm not going to cut my hair, and I've found a temporary urban abode to crash in, fun boys, sure to be fun times. No more waking up at the early cracks of the dawn, now if only the weekend would come quick...