Monday, March 16, 2015

A Builders Dream

I'm currently experiencing a sort of emotional hangover.  At the moment I feel exhausted and not really useful for anyone, and I'm struggling to maintain an openness toward others.  Though this feeling is isolating and it's not a space I'd like to spend too much time, I'm glad I'm getting better at identifying the triggering factors of this mood. For maybe the first time I find relief knowing that this malaise is transient.

I know that it's okay to need time alone, but the last couple of days I noticed myself falling back into old nasty patterns.  Personal patterns that are fear based and not quite understood.  Being strong for other people seems to be pushing me into a sort of defense state of my own.  Allowing certain people access and putting up blockades to others may feel easier, but it isn't growth minded.

I kicked the cat out of my room so I could get a good nights sleep.  Tiny steps to shaking this hangover and getting back to normal life (whatever that means).  I only feel a little guilty.

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