Sunday, November 25, 2007

Dead Pixels

This afternoon I wrote. The first thing I've written in a long time. It poured out of my fingertips. Felt good to create. The words didn't feel forced. It was poetry.

My love affair with poetry is far reaching. Is it a sign? Did the dream of grad school die because I'm just not a fiction writer? Is poetry my calling (oh god, I really am going to be poor)?

Does everyone feel awful at this age? This sense of being lost, of wanting to reject everything established? All I require is honesty and truth. Tell me where is the authenticity?


scott. said...

I think lots of things feel awful at this age. Except for a few extraordinary things.

Grad School Reject said...

That feeling you describe? Yeah - I think I know what you mean, and if I do my answer is this: It comes in waves. I had a solid portion of my 20's (says the newly turned 30 year old) feeling like I knew exactly what I was doing, and I am pretty sure that I did. But now? I'm feeling disconnected again and I have some decisions to make.

What I feel secure in saying is that you need to recognize when you feel lost and decide that you won't accept it as a "forever" state of being. Much like love, I think you know when you are "found" when you feel it.

As for authenticity, in all seriousness I find it in little children. I'm not saying it is the only place, or that everyone else could find it there, but for me it absolutely is in the the 4, 5, and 6 year olds that I get to teach. They do such genuine and instinctual things that I rarely find myself doubting their motives.

The Last Unicorn said...

scott.- you are an extra ordinary, extra cute, extra smart, and extra lovely human being.

GSR - Well I suppose it doesn't matter what age you are, everyone gets scared of living life. I know you'll make the best decision and you seem to have a nice posse of support in D.C.

As for authenticity? Children are instinctually honest. I find much authenticity in truth and the seeking of it.
But yeah, Kids are a barrel of fun!